The oldest books are still only just out to those who have not read them.
Samuel Butler
ePub
A4Chapter 10
Dear Reader—
It is with a surprisingly sentimental heart that I write these words. After eleven years of chronicling the lives and times of the beau monde, This Author is putting down her pen.
Although Lady Danbury’s challenge was surely the catalyst for the retirement, in truth the blame cannot be placed (entirely) upon that countess’s shoulders. The column has grown wearisome of late, less fulfilling to write, and perhaps less entertaining to read. This Author needs a change. It is not so difficult to fathom. Eleven years is a long time.
And in truth, the recent renewal of interest in This Author’s identity has grown disturbing. Friends are turning against friends, brothers against sisters, all in the futile attempt to solve an unsolvable secret. Furthermore, the sleuthing of the ton has grown downright dangerous. Last week it was Lady Blackwood’s twisted ankle, this week’s injury apparently belongs to Hyacinth Bridgerton, who was slightly hurt at Saturday’s soirée held at the London home of Lord and Lady Riverdale. (It has not escaped This Author’s notice that Lord Riverdale is Lady Danbury’s nephew.) Miss Hyacinth must have suspected someone in attendance, because she sustained her injuries while falling into the library after the door was opened while she had her ear pressed up to the wood.
Listening at doors, chasing down delivery boys—and these are only the tidbits that have reached This Author’s ears! What has London Society come to? This Author assures you, Dear Reader, that she never once listened at a door in all eleven years of her career. All gossip in this column was come by fairly, with no tools or tricks other than keen eyes and ears.
I bid you au revoir, London! It has been a pleasure to serve you.
LADY WHISTLEDOWN’S SOCIETY PAPERS, 19 APRIL 1824
o O o
It was, not surprisingly, the talk of the Macclesfield ball.
“Lady Whistledown has retired!”
“Can you believe it?”
“What will I read with my breakfast?”
“How will I know what happened if I miss a party?”
“We’ll never find out who she is now!”
“Lady Whistledown has retired!”
One woman fainted, nearly cracking her head against the side of a table as she slumped gracelessly to the floor. Apparently, she had not read that morning’s column and thus heard the news for the first time right there at the Macclesfield ball. She was revived by smelling salts but then quickly swooned again.
“She’s a faker,” Hyacinth Bridgerton muttered to Felicity Featherington as they stood in a small group with the Dowager Lady Bridgerton and Penelope. Penelope was officially attending as Felicity’s chaperone due to their mother’s decision to remain home with an upset stomach.
“The first faint was real,” Hyacinth explained. “Anyone could tell that by the clumsy way she fell. But this…” Her hand flicked toward the lady on the floor with a gesture of disgust. “No one swoons like a ballet dancer. Not even ballet dancers.”
o O o
Penelope had overheard the entire conversation, as Hyacinth was directly to her left, and so she murmured, “Have you ever swooned?” all the while keeping her eyes on the unfortunate woman, who was now coming awake with a delicate fluttering of eyelashes as the smelling salts were once again wafted under her nose.
“Absolutely not!” Hyacinth replied, with no small measure of pride. “Swoons are for the tenderhearted and foolish,” she added. “And if Lady Whistledown were still writing, mark my words, she would say the exact same thing in her next column.”
“Alas, there are no words to mark anymore,” Felicity answered with a sad sigh.
Lady Bridgerton agreed. “It’s the end of an era,” she said. “I feel quite bereft without her.”
“Well, it’s not as if we’ve had to go more than eighteen hours without her yet,” Penelope felt compelled to point out. “We did receive a column this morning. What is there yet to feel bereft about?”
“It’s the principle of it,” Lady Bridgerton said with a sigh. “If this were an ordinary Monday, I would know that I’d receive a new report on Wednesday. But now…”
Felicity actually sniffled. “Now we’re lost,” she said.
Penelope turned to her sister in disbelief. “Surely you’re being a little melodramatic.”
Felicity’s overblown shrug was worthy of the stage. “Am I? Am I?”
Hyacinth gave her a sympathetic pat on the back. “I don’t think you are, Felicity. I feel precisely the same way.”
“It’s only a gossip column,” Penelope said, looking around for any sign of sanity in her companions. Surely they realized that the world was not drawing to a close just because Lady Whistledown had decided to end her career.
“You’re right, of course,” said Lady Bridgerton, jutting her chin out and pursing her lips in a manner that was probably supposed to convey an air of practicality. “Thank you for being the voice of reason for our little party.” But then she seemed to deflate slightly, and she said, “But I must admit, I’d grown rather used to having her around. Whoever she is.”
Penelope decided it was well past time to change the topic. “Where is Eloise this evening?”
“Ill, I’m afraid. A headache,” Lady Bridgerton said, small frowns of worry creasing her otherwise unlined face. “She hasn’t been feeling the thing for almost a week now. I’m starting to grow concerned about her.”
Penelope had been staring rather aimlessly at a sconce on the wall, but her attention was immediately brought back to Lady Bridgerton. “It’s nothing serious, I hope?”
“It’s nothing serious,” Hyacinth answered, before her mother could even open her mouth. “Eloise never gets sick.”
“Which is precisely why I’m worried,” Lady Bridgerton said. “She hasn’t been eating very well.”
“That’s not true,” Hyacinth said. “Just this afternoon Wickham brought up a very heavy tray. Scones and eggs and I think I smelled gammon steak.” She gave an arch look to no one in particular. “And when Eloise left the tray out in the hall it was completely empty.”
Hyacinth Bridgerton, Penelope decided, had a surprisingly good eye for detail.
“She’s been in a bad mood,” Hyacinth continued, “since she quarreled with Colin.”
“She quarreled with Colin?” Penelope asked, an awful feeling beginning to roil her stomach. “When?”
“Sometime last week,” Hyacinth said.
WHEN? Penelope wanted to scream, but surely it would look odd if she demanded an exact day. Was it Friday? Was it?
Penelope would always remember that her first, and most probably only, kiss had occurred on a Friday.
She was strange that way. She always remembered the days of the week.
She’d met Colin on a Monday.
She’d kissed him on a Friday.
Twelve years later.
She sighed. It seemed fairly pathetic.
“Is something wrong, Penelope?” Lady Bridgerton asked.
Penelope looked at Eloise’s mother. Her blue eyes were kind and filled with concern, and there was something about the way she tilted her head to the side that made Penelope want to cry.
She was getting far too emotional these days. Crying over the tilt of a head.
“I’m fine,” she said, hoping that her smile looked true. “I’m just worried about Eloise.”
Hyacinth snorted.
Penelope decided she needed to make her escape. All these Bridgertons—well, two of them, anyway—were making her think of Colin.
Which wasn’t anything she hadn’t been doing nearly every minute of the day for the past three days. But at least that had been in private where she could sigh and moan and grumble to her heart’s content.
But this must have been her lucky night, because just then she heard Lady Danbury barking her name.
(What was her world coming to, that she considered herself lucky to be trapped in a corner with London’s most acerbic tongue?)
But Lady Danbury would provide the perfect excuse to leave her current little quartet of ladies, and besides, she was coming to realize that in a very odd way, she rather liked Lady Danbury.
“Miss Featherington! Miss Featherington!”
Felicity instantly took a step away. “I think she means you,” she whispered urgently.
“Of course she means me,” Penelope said, with just a touch of hauteur. “I consider Lady Danbury a cherished friend.”
Felicity’s eyes bugged out. “You do?”
“Miss Featherington!” Lady Danbury said, thumping her cane an inch away from Penelope’s foot as soon as she reached her side. “Not you,” she said to Felicity, even though Felicity had done nothing more than smile politely as the countess had approached. “You,” she said to Penelope.
“Er, good evening, Lady Danbury,” Penelope said, which she considered an admirable number of words under the circumstances.
“I have been looking for you all evening,” Lady D announced.
Penelope found that a trifle surprising. “You have?”
“Yes. I want to talk with you about that Whistledown woman’s last column.”
“Me?”
“Yes, you,” Lady Danbury grumbled. “I’d be happy to talk with someone else if you could find me a body with more than half a brain.”
Penelope choked on the beginnings of laughter as she motioned to her companions. “Er, I assure you that Lady Bridgerton—”
Lady Bridgerton was furiously shaking her head.
“She’s too busy trying to get that oversized brood of hers married off,” Lady Danbury announced. “Can’t be expected to know how to conduct a decent conversation these days.”
Penelope stole a frantic glance over at Lady Bridgerton to see if she was upset by the insult—after all, she had been trying to marry off her oversized brood for a decade now. But Lady Bridgerton didn’t look the least bit upset. In fact, she appeared to be stifling laughter.
Stifling laughter and inching away, taking Hyacinth and Felicity with her.
Sneaky little traitors.
o O o
Ah, well, Penelope shouldn’t complain. She’d wanted an escape from the Bridgertons, hadn’t she? But she didn’t particularly enjoy having Felicity and Hyacinth think they’d somehow pulled one over on her.
“They’re gone now,” Lady Danbury cackled, “and a good thing it is, too. Those two gels haven’t an intelligent thing to say between them.”
“Oh, now, that isn’t true,” Penelope felt compelled to protest. “Felicity and Hyacinth are both very bright.”
“I never said they weren’t smart,” Lady D replied acidly, “just that they haven’t an intelligent thing to say. But don’t worry,” she added, giving Penelope a reassuring—reassuring? Whoever heard of Lady Danbury being reassuring?—pat on the arm. “It’s not their fault that their conversation is useless. They’ll grow out of it. People are like fine wines. If they start off good, they only get better with age.”
Penelope had actually been glancing slightly to the right of Lady Danbury’s face, peering over her shoulder at a man who she thought might be Colin (but wasn’t), but this brought her attention right back to where the countess wanted it.
“Fine wines?” Penelope echoed.
“Hmmph. And here I thought you weren’t listening.”
“No, of course I was listening.” Penelope felt her lips tugging into something that wasn’t quite a smile. “I was just…distracted.”
“Looking for that Bridgerton boy, no doubt.”
Penelope gasped.
“Oh, don’t look so shocked. It’s written all over your face. I’m just surprised he hasn’t noticed.”
“I imagine he has,” Penelope mumbled.
“Has he? Hmmph.” Lady Danbury frowned, the corners of her mouth spilling into long vertical wrinkles on either side of her chin. “Doesn’t speak well of him that he hasn’t done anything about it.”
Penelope’s heart ached. There was something oddly sweet about the old lady’s faith in her, as if men like Colin fell in love with women like Penelope on a regular basis. Penelope had had to beg him to kiss her, for heaven’s sake. And look how that had ended up. He’d left the house in a fit of temper and they hadn’t spoken for three days.
“Well, don’t worry over him,” Lady Danbury said quite suddenly. “We’ll find you someone else.”
Penelope delicately cleared her throat. “Lady Danbury, have you made me your project?”
The old lady beamed, her smile a bright and glowing streak in her wrinkled face. “Of course! I’m surprised it has taken you so long to figure it out.”
“But why?” Penelope asked, truly unable to fathom it.
Lady Danbury sighed. The sound wasn’t sad—more wistful, really. “Would you mind if we sat down for a spell? These old bones aren’t what they used to be.”
“Of course,” Penelope said quickly, feeling terrible that she’d never once considered Lady Danbury’s age as they stood there in the stuffy ballroom. But the countess was so vibrant; it was difficult to imagine her ailing or weak.
“Here we are,” Penelope said, taking her arm and leading her to a nearby chair. Once Lady Danbury was settled, Penelope took a seat beside her. “Are you more comfortable now? Would you like something to drink?”
Lady Danbury nodded gratefully, and Penelope signaled to a footman to bring them two glasses of lemonade, since she didn’t want to leave the countess while she was looking so pale.
“I’m not as young as I used to be,” Lady Danbury told her once the footman had hied off to the refreshment table.
“None of us are,” Penelope replied. It could have been a flip comment, but it was spoken with wry warmth, and somehow Penelope thought that Lady Danbury would appreciate the sentiment.
She was right. Lady D chuckled and sent Penelope an appreciative glance before saying, “The older I get, the more I realize that most of the people in this world are fools.”
“You’re only just figuring that out now?” Penelope asked, not to mock, but rather because, given Lady Danbury’s usual demeanor, it was difficult to believe that she hadn’t reached that conclusion years ago.
Lady Danbury laughed heartily. “No, sometimes I think I knew that before I was born. What I’m realizing now is that it’s time I did something about it.”
“What do you mean?”
“I couldn’t care less what happens to the fools of this world, but the people like you”—lacking a handkerchief, she dabbed at her eyes with her fingers—“well, I’d like to see you settled.”
For several seconds, Penelope did nothing but stare at her. “Lady Danbury,” she said carefully, “I very much appreciate the gesture…and the sentiment…but you must know that I am not your responsibility.”
“Of course I know that,” Lady Danbury scoffed. “Have no fear, I feel no responsibility to you. If I did, this wouldn’t be half so much fun.”
Penelope knew she sounded the veriest ninny, but all she could think to say was, “I don’t understand.”
Lady Danbury held silent while the footmen returned with their lemonade, then began speaking once she had taken several small sips. “I like you, Miss Featherington. I don’t like a lot of people. It’s as simple as that. And I want to see you happy.”
“But I am happy,” Penelope said, more out of reflex than anything else.
Lady Danbury raised one arrogant brow—an expression that she did to perfection. “Are you?” she murmured.
Was she? What did it mean, that she had to stop and think about the answer? She wasn’t un happy, of that she was sure. She had wonderful friends, a true confidante in her younger sister Felicity, and if her mother and older sisters weren’t women she’d have chosen as close friends—well, she still loved them. And she knew they loved her.
Hers wasn’t such a bad lot. Her life lacked drama and excitement, but she was content.
But contentment wasn’t the same thing as happiness, and she felt a sharp, stabbing pain in her chest as she realized that she could not answer Lady Danbury’s softly worded question in the affirmative.
“I’ve raised my family,” Lady Danbury said. “Four children, and they all married well. I even found a bride for my nephew, who, truth be told”—she leaned in and whispered the last three words, giving Penelope the impression that she was about to divulge a state secret—“I like better than my own children.”
Penelope couldn’t help but smile. Lady Danbury looked so furtive, so naughty. It was rather cute, actually.
“It may surprise you,” Lady Danbury continued, “but by nature I’m a bit of a meddler.”
Penelope kept her expression scrupulously even.
“I find myself at loose ends,” Lady Danbury said, holding up her hands as if in surrender. “I’d like to see one last person happily settled before I go.”
“Don’t talk that way, Lady Danbury,” Penelope said, impulsively reaching out and taking her hand. She gave it a little squeeze. “You’ll outlive us all, I am certain.”
“Pfffft, don’t be silly.” Lady Danbury’s tone was dismissive, but she made no move to remove her hand from Penelope’s grasp. “I’m not being depressive,” she added. “I’m just realistic. I’ve passed seventy years of age, and I’m not going to tell you how many years ago that was. I haven’t much time left in this world, and that doesn’t bother me one bit.”
Penelope hoped she would be able to face her own mortality with the same equanimity.
“But I like you, Miss Featherington. You remind me of myself. You’re not afraid to speak your mind.”
o O o
Penelope could only look at her in shock. She’d spent the last ten years of her life never quite saying what she wanted to say. With people she knew well she was open and honest and even sometimes a little funny, but among strangers her tongue was quite firmly tied.
She remembered a masquerade ball she’d once attended. She’d attended many masquerade balls, actually, but this one had been unique because she’d actually found a costume—nothing special, just a gown styled as if from the 1600s—in which she’d truly felt her identity was hidden. It had probably been the mask. It was overly large and covered almost all of her face.
She had felt transformed. Suddenly free of the burden of being Penelope Featherington, she felt a new personality coming to the fore. It wasn’t as if she had been putting on false airs; rather, it was more like her true self—the one she didn’t know how to show to anyone she didn’t know well—had finally broken loose.
She’d laughed; she’d joked. She’d even flirted.
And she’d sworn that the following night, when the costumes were all put away and she was once again attired in her finest evening dress, she’d remember how to be herself.
But it hadn’t happened. She’d arrived at the ball and she’d nodded and smiled politely and once again found herself standing near the perimeter of the room, quite literally a wallflower.
It seemed that being Penelope Featherington meant something. Her lot had been cast years ago, during that first awful season when her mother had insisted she make her debut even though Penelope had begged otherwise. The pudgy girl. The awkward girl. The one always dressed in colors that didn’t suit her. It didn’t matter that she’d slimmed and grown graceful and finally thrown out all of her yellow dresses. In this world—the world of London society and the ton—she would always be the same old Penelope Featherington.
o O o
It was her own fault just as much as anyone else’s. A vicious circle, really. Every time Penelope stepped into a ballroom, and she saw all those people who had known her for so long, she felt herself folding up inside, turning into the shy, awkward girl of years gone past, rather than the self-assured woman she liked to think she’d become—at least in her heart.
“Miss Featherington?” came Lady Danbury’s soft—and surprisingly gentle—voice. “Is something wrong?”
Penelope knew she took longer than she should have to reply, but somehow she needed a few seconds to find her voice. “I don’t think I know how to speak my mind,” she finally said, turning to look at Lady Danbury only as she uttered the final words of the sentence. “I never know what to say to people.”
“You know what to say to me.”
“You’re different.”
Lady Danbury threw her head back and laughed. “If ever there was an understatement…Oh, Penelope—I hope you don’t mind if I call you by your given name—if you can speak your mind to me, you can speak it to anyone. Half the grown men in this room run cowering into corners the minute they see me coming.”
“They just don’t know you,” Penelope said, patting her on the hand.
“And they don’t know you, either,” Lady Danbury quite pointedly replied.
“No,” Penelope said, a touch of resignation in her voice, “they don’t.”
“I’d say that it was their loss, but that would be rather cavalier of me,” Lady Danbury said. “Not to them, but to you, because as often as I call them all fools—and I do call them fools often, as I’m sure you know—some of them are actually rather decent people, and it’s a crime they haven’t gotten to know you. I—Hmmm…I wonder what is going on.”
Penelope found herself unaccountably sitting up a little straighter. She asked Lady Danbury, “What do you mean?” but it was clear that something was afoot. People were whispering and motioning to the small dais where the musicians were seated.
“You there!” Lady Danbury said, poking her cane into the hip of a nearby gentleman. “What is going on?”
“Cressida Twombley wants to make some sort of announcement,” he said, then quickly stepped away, presumably to avoid any further conversation with Lady Danbury or her cane.
“I hate Cressida Twombley,” Penelope muttered.
Lady Danbury choked on a bit of laughter. “And you say you don’t know how to speak your mind. Don’t keep me in suspense. Why do you detest her so?”
Penelope shrugged. “She’s always behaved quite badly toward me.”
Lady Danbury nodded knowingly. “All bullies have a favorite victim.”
“It’s not so bad now,” Penelope said. “But back when we were both out—when she was still Cressida Cowper—she never could resist the chance to torment me. And people…well…” She shook her head. “Never mind.”
“No, please,” Lady Danbury said, “do go on.”
Penelope sighed. “It’s nothing, really. Just that I’ve noticed that people don’t often rush to another’s defense. Cressida was popular—at least with a certain set—and she was rather frightening to the other girls our age. No one dared go against her. Well, almost no one.”
That got Lady Danbury’s attention, and she smiled. “Who was your champion, Penelope?”
“Champions, actually,” Penelope replied. “The Bridgertons always came to my aid. Anthony Bridgerton once gave her the cut direct and took me in to dinner, and”—her voice rose with remembered excitement—“he really shouldn’t have done so. It was a formal dinner party, and he was supposed to escort in some marchioness, I think.” She sighed, treasuring the memory. “It was lovely.”
“He’s a good man, that Anthony Bridgerton.”
Penelope nodded. “His wife told me that that was the day she fell in love with him. When she saw him being my hero.”
Lady Danbury smiled. “And has the younger Mr. Bridgerton ever rushed to your aid?”
“Colin, you mean?” Penelope didn’t even wait for Lady Danbury’s nod before adding, “Of course, although never with quite so much drama. But I must say, as nice as it is that the Bridgertons are so supportive….”
“What is it, Penelope?” Lady Danbury asked.
Penelope sighed again. It seemed a night for sighs. “I just wish they didn’t have to defend me so often. You’d think I could defend myself. Or at least comport myself in such a manner so that no defending was necessary.”
Lady Danbury patted her hand. “I think you get on a great deal better than you think you do. And as for that Cressida Twombley…” Lady Danbury’s face soured with distaste. “Well, she got her just desserts, if you ask me. Although,” she added sharply, “people don’t ask me as often as they should.”
Penelope could not quite suppress a little snort of laughter.
“Look where she is now,” Lady Danbury said sharply. “Widowed and without even a fortune to show for it. She married that old lecher Horace Twombley and it turned out he’d managed to fool everyone into thinking he had money. Now she has nothing but fading good looks.”
Honesty compelled Penelope to say, “She is still quite attractive.”
“Hmmph. If you like flashy women.” Lady Danbury’s eyes narrowed. “There is something far too obvious about that woman.”
Penelope looked toward the dais, where Cressida was waiting, standing there with a surprising amount of patience while the ballroom quieted down. “I wonder what she is going to say.”
“Nothing that could possibly interest me,” Lady Danbury retorted. “I—Oh.” She stopped, and her lips curved into the oddest of expressions, a little bit frown, a little bit smile.
“What is it?” Penelope asked. She craned her neck to try to see Lady Danbury’s line of vision, but a rather portly gentleman was blocking her way.
“Your Mr. Bridgerton is approaching,” Lady Danbury said, the smile edging out the frown. “And he looks quite determined.”
Penelope immediately twisted her head around.
“For the love of God, girl, don’t look!” Lady Danbury exclaimed, jamming her elbow into Penelope’s upper arm. “He’ll know you’re interested.”
“I don’t think there’s much of a chance he hasn’t figured that out already,” Penelope mumbled.
And then there he was, standing splendidly in front of her, looking like some handsome god, deigning to grace earth with his presence. “Lady Danbury,” he said, executing a smooth and graceful bow. “Miss Featherington.”
“Mr. Bridgerton,” Lady Danbury said, “how nice to see you.”
Colin looked to Penelope.
“Mr. Bridgerton,” she murmured, not knowing what else to say. What did one say to a man one had recently kissed? Penelope certainly had no experience in that area. Not to mention the added complication of his storming out of the house once they were through.
“I’d hoped…” Colin began, then stopped and frowned, looking up toward the dais. “What is everyone looking at?”
“Cressida Twombley has some sort of announcement,” Lady Danbury said.
Colin’s face slid into a vaguely annoyed frown. “Can’t imagine what she has to say that I’d want to listen to,” he muttered.
Penelope couldn’t help but grin. Cressida Twombley was considered a leader in society, or at least she had been when she’d been young and unmarried, but the Bridgertons had never liked her, and somehow that had always made Penelope feel a little better.
Just then a trumpet blared, and the room fell silent as everyone turned their attention to the Earl of Macclesfield, who was standing on the dais next to Cressida, looking vaguely uncomfortable with all the attention.
Penelope smiled. She’d been told the earl had once been a terrible rake, but now he was a rather scholarly sort, devoted to his family. He was still handsome enough to be a rake, though. Almost as handsome as Colin.
But only almost. Penelope knew she was biased, but it was difficult to imagine any creature quite as magnetically good-looking as Colin when he was smiling.
“Good evening,” the earl said loudly.
“Good evening to you!” came a drunken shout from the back of the room.
The earl gave a good-natured nod, a tolerant half-smile playing along his lips. “My, er, esteemed guest here”—he motioned to Cressida—“would like to make an announcement. So if you would all give your attention to the lady beside me, I give you Lady Twombley.”
A low ripple of whispers spread across the room as Cressida stepped forward, nodding regally at the crowd. She waited for the room to fall into stark silence, and then she said, “Ladies and gentleman, thank you so much for taking time out of your festivities to lend me your attention.”
“Hurry up with it!” someone shouted, probably the same person who had yelled good evening to the earl.
Cressida ignored the interruption. “I have come to the conclusion that I can no longer continue the deception that has ruled my life for the last eleven years.”
The ballroom was rocked with the low buzz of whispers. Everyone knew what she was going to say, and yet no one could believe it was actually true.
“Therefore,” Cressida continued, her voice growing in volume, “I have decided to reveal my secret.
“Ladies and gentleman, I am Lady Whistledown.”
