Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy.
Thich Nhat Hanh
ePub
A4Chương 17
C
hapter 171
When I said Cathy was a monster it seemed to me that it was so. Now I have bent close with a glass
over the small print of her and reread the footnotes, and I wonder if it was true. The trouble is that
since we cannot know what she wanted, we will never know whether or not she got it. If rather than
running toward something, she ran away from something, we can’t know whether she escaped. Who
knows but that she tried to tell someone or everyone what she was like and could not, for lack of a
common language. Her life may have been her language, formal, developed, indecipherable. It is easy
to say she was bad, but there is little meaning unless we know why.
I’ve built the image in my mind of Cathy, sitting quietly waiting for her pregnancy to be over,
living on a farm she did not like, with a man she did not love.
She sat in her chair under the oak tree, her hands clasped each to each in love and shelter. She grew
very big—abnormally big, even at a time when women gloried in big babies and counted extra pounds
with pride. She was misshapen; her belly, tight and heavy and distended, made it impossible for her to
stand without supporting herself with her hands. But the great lump was local. Shoulders, neck, arms,
hands, face, were unaffected, slender and girlish. Her breasts did not grow and her nipples did not
darken. There was no quickening of milk glands, no physical planning to feed the newborn. When she
sat behind a table you could not see that she was pregnant at all.
In that day there was no measuring of pelvic arch, no testing of blood, no building with calcium. A
woman gave a tooth for a child. It was the law. And a woman was likely to have strange tastes, some
said for filth, and it was set down to the Eve nature still under sentence for original sin.
Cathy’s odd appetite was simple compared to some. The carpenters, repairing the old house,
complained that they could not keep the lumps of chalk with which they coated their chalk lines.
Again and again the scored hunks disappeared. Cathy stole them and broke them in little pieces. She
carried the chips in her apron pocket, and when no one was about she crushed the soft lime between
her teeth. She spoke very little. Her eyes were remote. It was as though she had gone away, leaving a
breathing doll to conceal her absence.
Activity surged around her. Adam went happily about building and planning his Eden. Samuel and
his boys brought in a well at forty feet and put down the newfangled expensive metal casing, for Adam
wanted the best.
The Hamiltons moved their rig and started another hole. They slept in a tent beside the work and
cooked over a campfire. But there was always one or another of them riding home for a tool or with a
message.
Adam fluttered like a bewildered bee confused by too many flowers. He sat by Cathy and chatted
about the pieplant roots just come in. He sketched for her the new fan blade Samuel had invented for
the windmill. It had a variable pitch and was an unheard-of thing. He rode out to the well rig and
slowed the work with his interest. And naturally, as he discussed wells with Cathy, his talk was all of
birth and child care at the well head. It was a good time for Adam, the best time. He was the king of
his wide and spacious life. And summer passed into a hot and fragrant autumn.
2
The Hamiltons at the well rig had finished their lunch of Liza’s bread and rat cheese and venomous
coffee cooked in a can over the fire. Joe’s eyes were heavy and he was considering how he could get
away into the brush to sleep for a while.
Samuel knelt in the sandy soil, looking at the torn and broken edges of his bit. Just before they had
stopped for lunch the drill had found something thirty feet down that had mangled the steel as though
it were lead. Samuel scraped the edge of the blade with his pocketknife and inspected the scrapings in
the palm of his hand His eyes shone with a childlike excitement. He held out his hand and poured the
scrapings into Tom’s hand.
“Take a look at it, son. What do you think it is?”
Joe wandered over from his place in front of the tent. Tom studied the fragments in his hand.
“Whatever it is, it’s hard,” he said. “Couldn’t be a diamond that big. Looks like metal. Do you think
we’ve bored into a buried locomotive?”
His father laughed. “Thirty feet down,” he said admiringly.
“It looks like tool steel,” said Tom. “We haven’t got anything that can touch it.” Then he saw the
faraway joyous look on his father’s face and a shiver of shared delight came to him. The Hamilton
children loved it when their father’s mind went free. Then the world was peopled with wonders.
Samuel said, “Metal, you say. You think, steel. Tom, I’m going to make a guess and then I’m
going to get an assay. Now hear my guess—and remember it. I think we’ll find nickel in it, and silver
maybe, and carbon and manganese. How I would like to dig it up! It’s in sea sand. That’s what we’ve
been getting.”
Tom said, “Say, what do you think it is with—nickel and silver—”
“It must have been long thousand centuries ago,” Samuel said, and his sons knew he was seeing it.
“Maybe it was all water here—an inland sea with the seabirds circling and crying. And it would have
been a pretty thing if it happened at night. There would come a line of light and then a pencil of white
light and then a tree of blinding light drawn in a long arc from heaven. Then there’d be a great water
spout and a big mushroom of steam. And your ears would be staggered by the sound because the
soaring cry of its coming would be on you at the same time the water exploded. And then it would be
black night again, because of the blinding light. And gradually you’d see the killed fish coming up,
showing silver in the starlight, and the crying birds would come to eat them. It’s a lonely, lovely thing
to think about, isn’t it?”
He made them see it as he always did.
Tom said softly, “You think it’s a meteorite, don’t you?”
“That I do. and we can prove it by assay.”
Joe said eagerly, “Let’s dig it up.”
“You dig it, Joe, while we bore for water.”
Tom said seriously, “If the assay showed enough nickel and silver, wouldn’t it pay to mine it?”
“You’re my own son,” said Samuel. “We don’t know whether it’s big as a house or little as a hat.”
“But we could probe down and see.”
“That we could if we did it secretly and hid our thinking under a pot.”
“Why, what do you mean?”
“Now, Tom, have you no kindness toward your mother? We give her enough trouble, son. She’s
told me plain that if I spend any more money patenting things, she’ll give us trouble to remember.
Have pity on her! Can’t you see her shame when they ask her what we’re doing? She’s a truthful
woman, your mother. She’d have to say, ‘They’re at digging up a star.’ ” He laughed happily. “She’d
never live it down. And she’d make us smart. No pies for three months.”
Tom said, “We can’t get through it. We’ll have to move to another place.”
“I’ll put some blasting powder down,” said his father, “and if that doesn’t crack it aside we’ll start
a new hole.” He stood up. “I’ll have to go home for powder and to sharpen the drill. Why don’t you
boys ride along with me and we’ll give Mother a surprise so that she’ll cook the whole night and
complain. That way she’ll dissemble her pleasure.”
Joe said, “Somebody’s coming, coming fast.” And indeed they could see a horseman riding toward
them at full gallop, but a curious horseman who flopped about on his mount like a tied chicken. When
he came a little closer they saw that it was Lee, his elbows waving like wings, his queue lashing about
like a snake. It was surprising that he stayed on at all and still drove the horse at full tilt. He pulled up,
breathing heavily. “Missy Adam say come! Missy Cathy bad—come quick. Missy yell, scream.”
Samuel said, “Hold on, Lee. When did it start?”
“Mebbe bleakfus time.”
“All right. Calm yourself. How is Adam?”
“Missy Adam clazy. Cly—laugh—make vomit.”
“Sure,” said Samuel. “These new fathers. I was one once. Tom, throw a saddle on for me, will
you?”
Joe said, “What is it?”
“Why, Mrs. Trask is about to have her baby. I told Adam I’d stand by.”
“You?” Joe asked.
Samuel leveled his eyes on his youngest son. “I brought both of you into the world,” he said. “And
you’ve given no evidence you think I did a bad service to the world. Tom, you get all the tools
gathered up. And go back to the ranch and sharpen the metal. Bring back the box of powder that’s on
the shelf in the tool shed, and go easy with it as you love your arms and legs. Joe, I want you to stay
here and look after things.”
Joe said plaintively, “But what will I do here alone?”
Samuel was silent for a moment. Then he said, “Joe, do you love me?”
“Why, sure.”
“If you heard I’d committed some great crime would you turn me over to the police?”
“What are you talking about?”
“Would you?”
“No.”
“All right then. In my basket, under my clothes, you’ll find two books—new, so be gentle with
them. It’s two volumes by a man the world is going to hear from. You can start reading if you want
and it will raise up your lid a little. It’s called The Principles of Psychology and it’s by an Eastern man
named William James. No relative to the train robber. And, Joe, if you ever let on about the books I’ll
run you off the ranch. If your mother ever found out I spent the money on them she’d run me off the
ranch.”
Tom led a saddled horse to him. “Can I read it next?”
“Yes,” said Samuel, and he slipped his leg lightly over the saddle. “Come on, Lee.”
The Chinese wanted to break into a gallop but Samuel restrained him. “Take it easy, Lee. Birthing
takes longer than you think, mostly.”
For a time they rode in silence, and then Lee said, “I’m sorry you bought those books. I have the
condensed form, in one volume, the textbook. You could have borrowed it.”
“Have you now? Do you have many books?”
“Not many here—thirty or forty. But you’re welcome to any of them you haven’t read.”
“Thank you, Lee. And you may be sure I’ll look the first moment I can. You know, you could talk
to my boys. Joe’s a little flighty but Tom’s all right and it would do him good.”
“It’s a hard bridge to cross, Mr. Hamilton. Makes me timid to talk to a new person, but I’ll try if
you say so.”
They walked the horses rapidly toward the little draw of the Trask place. Samuel said, “Tell me,
how is it with the mother?”
“I’d rather you saw for yourself and thought for yourself,” Lee said. “You know when a man lives
alone as much as I do, his mind can go off on an irrational tangent just because his social world is out
of kilter.”
“Yes, I know. But I’m not lonely and I’m on a tangent too. But maybe not the same one.”
“You don’t think I imagine it then?”
“I don’t know what it is, but I’ll tell you for your reassurance that I’ve a sense of strangeness.”
“I guess that’s all it is with me too,” said Lee. He smiled. “I’ll tell you how far it got with me
though. Since I’ve come here I find myself thinking of Chinese fairy tales my father told me. We
Chinese have a well-developed demonology.”
“You think she is a demon?”
“Of course not,” said Lee. “I hope I’m a little beyond such silliness. I don’t know what it is. You
know, Mr. Hamilton, a servant develops an ability to taste the wind and judge the climate of the house
he works in. And there’s a strangeness here. Maybe that’s what makes me remember my father’s
demons.”
“Did your father believe in them?”
“Oh, no. He thought I should know the background. You Occidentals perpetuate a good many
myths too.”
Samuel said, “Tell me what happened to set you off. This morning, I mean.”
“If you weren’t coming I would try,” said Lee. “But I would rather not. You can see for yourself. I
may be crazy. Of course Mr. Adam is strung so tight he may snap like a banjo string.”
“Give me a little hint. It might save time. What did she do?”
“Nothing. That’s just it. Mr. Hamilton, I’ve been at births before, a good many of them, but this is
something new to me.”
“How?”
“It’s—well—I’ll tell you the one thing I can think of. This is much more like a bitter, deadly
combat than a birth.”
As they rode into the draw and under the oak trees Samuel said, “I hope you haven’t got me in a
state, Lee. It’s a strange day, and I don’t know why.”
“No wind,” said Lee. “It’s the first day in a month when there hasn’t been wind in the afternoon.”
“That’s so. You know I’ve been so close to the details I’ve paid no attention to the clothing of the
day. First we find a buried star and now we go to dig up a mint-new human.” He looked up through the
oak branches at the yellow-lit hills. “What a beautiful day to be born in!” he said. “If signs have their
fingers on a life, it’s a sweet life coming. And, Lee, if Adam plays true, he’ll be in the way. Stay close,
will you? In case I need something. Look, the men, the carpenters, are sitting under that tree.”
“Mr. Adam stopped the work. He thought the hammering might disturb his wife.”
Samuel said, “You stay close. That sounds like Adam playing true. He doesn’t know his wife
probably couldn’t hear God Himself beating a tattoo on the sky.”
The workmen sitting under the tree waved to him. “How do, Mr. Hamilton. How’s your family?”
“Fine, fine. Say, isn’t that Rabbit Holman? Where’ve you been, Rabbit?”
“Went prospecting, Mr. Hamilton.”
“Find anything, Rabbit?”
“Hell, Mr. Hamilton, I couldn’t even find the mule I went out with.”
They rode on toward the house. Lee said quickly, “If you ever get a minute, I’d like to show you
something.”
“What is it, Lee?”
“Well, I’ve been trying to translate some old Chinese poetry into English. I’m not sure it can be
done. Will you take a look?”
“I’d like to, Lee. Why, that would be a treat for me.”
3
Bordoni’s white frame house was very quiet, almost broodingly quiet, and the shades were pulled
down. Samuel dismounted at the stoop, untied his bulging saddlebags, and gave his horse to Lee. He
knocked and got no answer and went in. It was dusky in the living room after the outside light. He
looked in the kitchen, scrubbed to the wood grain by Lee. A gray stoneware pilon coffeepot grunted on
the back of the stove. Samuel tapped lightly on the bedroom door and went in.
It was almost pitch-black inside, for not only were the shades down but blankets were tacked over
the windows. Cathy was lying in the big four-poster bed, and Adam sat beside her, his face buried in
the coverlet. He raised his head and looked blindly out.
Samuel said pleasantly, “Why are you sitting in the dark?”
Adam’s voice was hoarse. “She doesn’t want the light. It hurts her eyes.”
Samuel walked into the room and authority grew in him with each step. “There will have to be
lieht,” he said. “She can close her eyes. I’ll tie a black cloth over them if she wants.” He moved to the
window and grasped the blanket to pull it down, but Adam was upon him before he could yank.
“Leave it. The light hurts her,” he said fiercely.
Samuel turned on him. “Now, Adam, I know what you feel. I promised you I’d take care of things,
and I will. I only hope one of those things isn’t you.” He pulled the blanket down and rolled up the
shade to let the golden afternoon light in.
Cathy made a little mewing sound from the bed, and Adam went to her. “Close your eyes, dear. I’ll
put a cloth over your eyes.”
Samuel dropped his saddlebags in a chair and stood beside the bed. “Adam,” he said firmly, “I’m
going to ask you to go out of the room and to stay out.”
“No, I can’t. Why?”
“Because I don’t want you in the way. It’s considered a sweet practice for you to get drunk.”
“I couldn’t.”
Samuel said, “Anger’s a slow thing in me and disgust is slower, but I can taste the beginnings of
both of them. You’ll get out of the room and give me no trouble or I’ll go away and you’ll have a
basket of trouble.”
Adam went finally, and from the doorway Samuel called, “And I don’t want you bursting in if you
hear anything. You wait for me to come out.” He closed the door, noticed there was a key in the lock,
and turned it. “He’s an upset, vehement man,” he said. “He loves you.”
He had not looked at her closely until now. And he saw true hatred in her eyes, unforgiving,
murderous hatred.
“It’ll be over before long, dearie. Now tell me, has the water broke?”
Her hostile eyes glared at him and her lips raised snarling from her little teeth. She did not answer
him. He stared at her. “I did not come by choice except as a friend,” he said. “It’s not a pleasure to me,
young woman. I don’t know your trouble and minute by minute I don’t care. Maybe I can save you
some pain—who knows? I’m going to ask you one more question. If you don’t answer, if you put that
snarling look on me, I’m going out and leave you to welter.”
The words struck into her understanding like lead shot dropping in water. She made a great effort.
And it gave him a shivering to see her face change, the steel leave her eyes, the lips thicken from line
to bow, and the corners turn up. He noticed a movement of her hands, the fists unclench and the
fingers turn pinkly upward. Her face became young and innocent and bravely hurt. It was like one
magic-lantern slide taking the place of another.
She said softly, “The water broke at dawn.”
“That’s better. Have you had hard labor?”
“Yes.”
“How far apart?”
“I don’t know.”
“Well, I’ve been in this room fifteen minutes.”
“I’ve had two little ones—no big ones since you came.”
“Fine. Now where’s your linen?”
“In that hamper over there.”
“You’ll be all right, dearie,” he said gently.
He opened his saddlebags and took out a thick rope covered with blue velvet and looped at either
end. On the velvet hundreds of little pink flowers were embroidered. “Liza sent you her pulling rope to
use,” he said. “She made it when our first-born was preparing. What with our children and friends’,
this rope has pulled a great number of people into the world.” He slipped one of the loops over each of
the footposts of the bed.
Suddenly her eyes glazed and her back arched like a spring and the blood started to her cheeks. He
waited for her cry or scream and looked apprehensively at the closed door. But there was no scream—
only a series of grunting squeals. After a few seconds her body relaxed and the hatefulness was back in
her face.
The labor struck again. “There’s a dear,” he said soothingly. “Was it one or two? I don’t know. The
more you see, the more you learn no two are alike. I’d better get my hands washed.”
Her head threshed from side to side. “Good, good, my darling,” he said. “I think it won’t be long
till your baby’s here.” He put his hand on her forehead where her scar showed dark and angry. “How
did you get the hurt on your head?” he asked.
Her head jerked up and her sharp teeth fastened on his hand across the back and up into the palm
near the little finger. He cried out in pain and tried to pull his hand away, but her jaw was set and her
head twisted and turned, mangling his hand the way a terrier worries a sack. A shrill snarling came
from her set teeth. He slapped her on the cheek and it had no effect. Automatically he did what he
would have done to stop a dog fight. His left hand went to her throat and he cut off her wind. She
struggled and tore at his hand before her jaws unclenched and he pulled his hand free. The flesh was
torn and bleeding. He stepped back from the bed and looked at the damage her teeth had done. He
looked at her with fear. And when he looked, her face was calm again and young and innocent.
“I’m sorry,” she said quickly. “Oh, I’m sorry.”
Samuel shuddered.
“It was the pain,” she said.
Samuel laughed shortly. “I’ll have to muzzle you, I guess,” he said. “A collie bitch did the same to
me once.” He saw the hatred look out of her eyes for a second and then retreat.
Samuel said, “Have you got anything to put on it? Humans are more poisonous than snakes.”
“I don’t know.”
“Well, have you got any whisky? I’ll pour some whisky on it.”
“In the second drawer.”
He splashed whisky on his bleeding hand and kneaded the flesh against the alcohol sting. A strong
quaking was in his stomach and a sickness rose up against his eyes. He took a swallow of whisky to
steady himself. He dreaded to look back at the bed. “My hand won’t be much good for a while,” he
said. Samuel told Adam afterward, “She must be made of whalebone. The birth happened before I was
ready. Popped like a seed. I’d not the water ready to wash him. Why, she didn’t even touch the pulling
rope to bear down. Pure whalebone, she is.” He tore at the door, called Lee and demanded warm water.
Adam came charging into the room. “A boy!” Samuel cried. “You’ve got a boy! Easy,” he said, for
Adam had seen the mess in the bed and a green was rising in his face.
Samuel said, “Send Lee in here. And you, Adam, if you still have the authority to tell your hands
and feet what to do, get to the kitchen and make me some coffee. And see the lamps are filled and the
chimneys clean.”
Adam turned like a zombie and left the room. In a moment Lee looked in. Samuel pointed to the
bundle in a laundry basket. “Sponge him off in warm water, Lee. Don’t let a draft get on him. Lord! I
wish Liza were here. I can’t do everything at once.”
He turned back to the bed. “Now, dearie, I’ll get you cleaned up.”
Cathy was bowed again, snarling in her pain. “It’ll be over in a little,” he said. “Takes a little time
for the residue. And you’re so quick. Why, you didn’t even have to pull on Liza’s rope.” He saw
something, stared, and went quickly to work. “Lord God in Heaven, it’s another one!”
He worked fast, and as with the first the birth was incredibly quick. And again Samuel tied the
cord. Lee took the second baby, washed it, wrapped it, and put it in the basket.
Samuel cleaned the mother and shifted her gently while he changed the linen on the bed. He found
in himself a reluctance to look in her face. He worked as quickly as he could, for his bitten hand was
stiffening. He drew a clean white sheet up to her chin and raised her to slip a fresh pillow under her
head. At last he had to look at her.
Her golden hair was wet with perspiration but her face had changed. It was stony, expressionless.
At her throat the pulse fluttered visibly.
“You have two sons,” Samuel said. “Two fine sons. They aren’t alike. Each one born separate in
his own sack.”
She inspected him coldly and without interest.
Samuel said, “I’ll show your boys to you.”
“No,” she said without emphasis.
“Now, dearie, don’t you want to see your sons?”
“No. I don’t want them.”
“Oh, you’ll change. You’re tired now, but you’ll change. And I’ll tell you now—this birth was
quicker and easier than I’ve seen ever in my life.”
The eyes moved from his face. “I don’t want them. I want you to cover the windows and take the
light away.”
“It’s weariness. In a few days you’ll feel so different you won’t remember.”
“I’ll remember. Go away. Take them out of the room. Send Adam in.”
Samuel was caught by her tone. There was no sickness, no weariness, no softness. His words came
out without his will. “I don’t like you,” he said and wished he could gather the words back into his
throat and into his mind. But his words had no effect on Cathy.
“Send Adam in,” she said.
In the little living room Adam looked vaguely at his sons and went quickly into the bedroom and
shut the door. In a moment came the sound of tapping. Adam was nailing the blankets over the
windows again.
Lee brought coffee to Samuel. “That’s a bad-looking hand you have there,” he said.
“I know. I’m afraid it’s going to give me trouble.”
“Why did she do it?”
“I don’t know. She’s a strange thing.”
Lee said, “Mr. Hamilton, let me take care of that. You could lose an arm.”
The life went out of Samuel. “Do what you want, Lee. A frightened sorrow has closed down over
my heart. I wish I were a child so I could cry. I’m too old to be afraid like this. And I’ve not felt such
despair since a bird died in my hand by a flowing water long ago.”
Lee left the room and shortly returned, carrying a small ebony box carved with twisting dragons.
He sat by Samuel and from his box took a wedge-shaped Chinese razor. “It will hurt,” he said softly.
“I’ll try to bear it, Lee.”
The Chinese bit his lips, feeling the inflicted pain in himself while he cut deeply into the hand,
opened the flesh around the toothmarks front and back, and trimmed the ragged flesh away until good
red blood flowed from every wound. He shook a bottle of yellow emulsion labeled Hall’s Cream Salve
and poured it into the deep cuts. He saturated a handkerchief with the salve and wrapped the hand.
Samuel winced and gripped the chair arm with his good hand.
“It’s mostly carbolic acid,” Lee said. “You can smell it.”
“Thank you, Lee. I’m being a baby to knot up like this.”
“I don’t think I could have been so quiet,” said Lee. “I’ll get you another cup of coffee.”
He came back with two cups and sat down by Samuel. “I think I’ll go away,” he said. “I never went
willingly to a slaughter house.”
Samuel stiffened. “What do you mean?”
“I don’t know. The words came out.”
Samuel shivered. “Lee, men are fools. I guess I hadn’t thought about it, but Chinese men are fools
too.”
“What made you doubt it?”
“Oh, maybe because we think of strangers as stronger and better than we are.”
“What do you want to say?”
Samuel said, “Maybe the foolishness is necessary, the dragon fighting, the boasting, the pitiful
courage to be constantly knocking a chip off God’s shoulder, and the childish cowardice that makes a
ghost of a dead tree beside a darkening road. Maybe that’s good and necessary, but—”
“What do you want to say?” Lee repeated patiently.
“I thought some wind had blown up the embers in my foolish mind,” Samuel said. “And now I
hear in your voice that you have it too. I feel wings over this house. I feel a dreadfulness coming.”
“I feel it too.”
“I know you do, and that makes me take less than my usual comfort in my foolishness. This birth
was too quick, too easy—like a cat having kittens. And I fear for these kittens. I have dreadful
thoughts gnawing to get into my brain.”
“What do you want to say?” Lee asked a third time.
“I want my wife,” Samuel cried. “No dreams, no ghosts, no foolishness. I want her here. They say
miners take canaries into the pits to test the air. Liza has no truck with foolishness. And, Lee, if Liza
sees a ghost, it’s a ghost and not a fragment of a dream. If Liza feels trouble we’ll bar the doors.”
Lee got up and went to the laundry basket and looked down at the babies. He had to peer close, for
the light was going fast. “They’re sleeping,” he said.
“They’ll be squalling soon enough. Lee, will you hitch up the rig and drive to my place for Liza?
Tell her I need her here. If Tom’s still there, tell him to mind the place. If not, I’ll send him in the
morning. And if Liza doesn’t want to come, tell her we need a woman’s hand here and a woman’s
clear eyes. She’ll know what you mean.”
“I’ll do it,” said Lee. “Maybe we’re scaring each other, like two children in the dark.”
“I’ve thought of that,” Samuel said. “And Lee, tell her I hurt my hand at the well head. Do not, for
God’s sake, tell her how it happened.”
“I’ll get some lamps lit and then I’ll go,” said Lee. “It will be a great relief to have her here.”
“That it will, Lee. That it will. She’ll let some light into this cellar hole.”
After Lee drove away in the dark Samuel picked up a lamp in his left hand. He had to set it on the
floor to turn the knob of the bedroom door. The room was in pitch-blackness, and the yellow lamplight
streamed upward and did not light the bed.
Cathy’s voice came strong and edged from the bed. “Shut the door. I do not want the light. Adam,
go out! I want to be in the dark—alone.”
Adam said hoarsely, “I want to stay with you.”
“I do not want you.”
“I will stay.”
“Then stay. But don’t talk any more. Please close the door and take the lamp away.”
Samuel went back to the living room. He put the lamp on the table by the laundry basket and
looked in on the small sleeping faces of the babies. Their eyes were pinched shut and they sniffled a
little in discomfort at the light. Samuel put his forefinger down and stroked the hot foreheads. One of
the twins opened his mouth and yawned prodigiously and settled back to sleep. Samuel moved the
lamp and then went to the front door and opened it and stepped outside. The evening star was so bright
that it seemed to flare and crumple as it sank toward the western mountains. The air was still, and
Samuel could smell the day-heated sage. The night was very dark. Samuel started when he heard a
voice speaking out of the blackness.
“How is she?”
“Who is it?” Samuel demanded.
“It’s me, Rabbit.” The man emerged and took form in the light from the doorway.
“The mother, Rabbit? Oh, she’s fine.”
“Lee said twins.”
“That’s right—twin sons. You couldn’t want better. I guess Mr. Trask will tear the river up by the
roots now. He’ll bring in a crop of candy canes.”
Samuel didn’t know why he changed the subject. “Rabbit, do you know what we bored into today?
A meteorite.”
“What’s that, Mr. Hamilton?”
“A shooting star that fell a million years ago.”
“You did? Well, think of that! How did you hurt your hand?”
“I almost said on a shooting star.” Samuel laughed. “But it wasn’t that interesting. I pinched it in
the tackle.”
“Bad?”
“No, not bad.”
“Two boys,” said Rabbit. “My old lady will be jealous.”
“Will you come inside and sit, Rabbit?”
“No, no, thank you. I’ll get out to sleep. Morning seems to come earlier every year I live.”
“That it does, Rabbit. Good night then.”
Liza Hamilton arrived about four in the morning. Samuel was asleep in his chair, dreaming that he
had gripped a red-hot bar of iron and could not let go. Liza awakened him and looked at his hand
before she even glanced at the babies. While she did well the things he had done in a lumbering,
masculine way, she gave him his orders and packed him off. He was to get up this instant, saddle
Doxology, and ride straight to King City. No matter what time it was, he must wake up that good-fornothing
doctor and get his hand treated. If it seemed all right he could go home and wait. And it was a
criminal thing to leave your last-born, and he little more than a baby himself, sitting there by a hole in
the ground with no one to care for him. It was a matter which might even engage the attention of the
Lord God himself.
If Samuel craved realism and activity, he got it. She had him off the place by dawn. His hand was
bandaged by eleven, and he was in his own chair at his own table by five in the afternoon, sizzling
with fever, and Tom was boiling a hen to make chicken soup for him.
For three days Samuel lay in bed, fighting the fever phantoms and putting names to them too,
before his great strength broke down the infection and drove it caterwauling away.”
Samuel looked up at Tom with clear eyes and said, “I’ll have to get up,” tried it and sat weakly
back, chuckling—the sound he made when any force in the world defeated him. He had an idea that
even when beaten he could steal a little victory by laughing at defeat. And Tom brought him chicken
soup until he wanted to kill him. The lore had not died out of the world, and you will still find people
who believe that soup will cure any hurt or illness and is no bad thing to have for the funeral either.
4
Liza stayed away a week. She cleaned the Trask house from the top clear down into the grain of the
wooden floors. She washed everything she could bend enough to get into a tub and sponged the rest.
She put the babies on a working basis and noted with satisfaction that they howled most of the time
and began to gain weight. Lee she used like a slave since she didn’t quite believe in him. Adam she
ignored since she couldn’t use him for anything. She did make him wash the windows and then did it
again after he had finished.
Liza sat with Cathy just enough to come to the conclusion that she was a sensible girl who didn’t
talk very much or try to teach her grandmother to suck eggs. She also checked her over and found that
she was perfectly healthy, not injured and not sick, and that she would never nurse the twins. “And just
as well too,” she said. “Those great lummoxes would chew a little thing like you to the bone.” She
forgot that she was smaller than Cathy and had nursed every one of her own children.
On Saturday afternoon Liza checked her work, left a list of instructions as long as her arm to cover
every possibility from colic to an inroad of grease ants, packed her traveling basket, and had Lee drive
her home.
She found her house a stable of filth and abomination and she set to cleaning it with the violence
and disgust of a Hercules at labor. Samuel asked questions of her in flight.
How were the babies?
They were fine, growing.
How was Adam?
Well, he moved around as if he was alive but he left no evidence. The Lord in his wisdom gave
money to very curious people, perhaps because they’d starve without.
How was Mrs. Trask?
Quiet, lackadaisical, like most rich Eastern women (Liza had never known a rich Eastern woman),
but on the other hand docile and respectful. “And it’s a strange thing,” Liza said. “I can find no real
fault with her save perhaps a touch of laziness, and yet I don’t like her very much. Maybe it’s that
scar. How did she get it?”
“I don’t know,” said Samuel.
Liza leveled her forefinger like a pistol between his eyes. “I’ll tell you something. Unbeknownst to
herself, she’s put a spell on her husband. He moons around her like a sick duck. I don’t think he’s
given the twins a thorough good look yet.”
Samuel waited until she went by again. He said, “Well, if she’s lazy and he’s moony, who’s going
to take care of the sweet babies? Twin boys take a piece of looking after.”
Liza stopped in mid-swoop, drew a chair close to him, and sat, resting her hands on her knees.
“Remember I’ve never held the truth lightly if you don’t believe me,” she said.
“I don’t think you could lie, dearie,” he said, and she smiled, thinking it a compliment.
“Well, what I’m to tell you might weigh a little heavy on your belief if you did not know that.”
“Tell me.”
“Samuel, you know that Chinese with his slanty eyes and his outlandish talk and that braid?”
“Lee? Sure I know him.”
“Well, wouldn’t you say offhand he was a heathen?”
“I don’t know.”
“Come now, Samuel, anybody would. But he’s not.” She straightened up.
“What is he?”
She tapped his arm with an iron finger. “A Presbyterian, and well up—well up, I say, when you dig
it out of that crazy talk. Now what do you think of that?”
Samuel’s voice was unsteady with trying to clamp his laughter in. “No!” he said.
“And I say yes. Well now, who do you think is looking after the twins? I wouldn’t trust a heathen
from here to omega—but a Presbyterian—he learned everything I told him.”
“No wonder they’re taking on weight,” said Samuel.
“It’s a matter for praise and it’s a matter for prayer.”
“We’ll do it too,” said Samuel. “Both.”
5
For a week Cathy rested and gathered her strength. On Saturday of the second week of October she
stayed in her bedroom all morning. Adam tried the door and found it locked.
“I’m busy,” she called, and he went away.
Putting her bureau in order, he thought, for he could hear her opening drawers and closing them.
In the late afternoon Lee came to Adam where he sat on the stoop. “Missy say I go King City buy
nursey bottle,” he said uneasily.
“Well, do it then,” said Adam. “She’s your mistress.”
“Missy say not come back mebbe Monday. Take—”
Cathy spoke calmly from the doorway. “He hasn’t had a day off for a long time. A rest would do
him good.”
“Of course,” said Adam. “I just didn’t think of it. Have a good time. If I need anything I’ll get one
of the carpenters.”
“Men go home, Sunday.”
“I’ll get the Indian. Lopez will help.”
Lee felt Cathy’s eyes on him. “Lopez dlunk. Find bottle whisky.”
Adam said petulantly, “I’m not helpless, Lee. Stop arguing.”
Lee looked at Cathy standing in the doorway. He lowered his eyelids. “Mebbe I come back late,”
he said, and he thought he saw two dark lines appear between her eyes and then disappear. He turned
away. “Goo-by,” he said.
Cathy went back to her room as the evening came down. At seven-thirty Adam knocked. “I’ve got
you some supper, dear. It’s not much.” The door opened as though she had been standing waiting. She
was dressed in her neat traveling dress, the jacket edged in black braid, black velvet lapels, and large
jet buttons. On her head was a wide straw hat with a tiny crown; long jet-beaded hatpins held it on.
Adam’s mouth dropped open.
She gave him no chance to speak. “I’m going away now.”
“Cathy, what do you mean?”
“I told you before.”
“You didn’t.”
“You didn’t listen. It doesn’t matter.”
“I don’t believe you.”
Her voice was dead and metallic. “I don’t give a damn what you believe. I’m going.”
“The babies—”
“Throw them in one of your wells.”
He cried in panic, “Cathy, you’re sick. You can’t go—not from me—not from me.”
“I can do anything to you. Any woman can do anything to you. You’re a fool.”
The word got through his haze. Without warning, his hands reached for her shoulders and he thrust
her backward. As she staggered he took the key from the inside of the door, slammed the door shut,
and locked it.
He stood panting, his ear close to the panel, and a hysterical sickness poisoned him. He could hear
her moving quietly about. A drawer was opened, and the thought leaped in him—she’s going to stay.
And then there was a little click he could not place. His ear was almost touching the door.
Her voice came from so near that he jerked his head back. He heard richness in her voice. “Dear,”
she said softly, “I didn’t know you would take it so. I’m sorry, Adam.”
His breath burst hoarsely out of his throat. His hand trembled, trying to turn the key, and it fell out
on the floor after he had turned it. He pushed the door open. She stood three feet away. In her right
hand she held his.44 Colt, and the black hole in the barrel pointed at him. He took a step toward her,
saw that the hammer was back.
She shot him. The heavy slug struck him in the shoulder and flattened and tore out a piece of his
shoulderblade. The flash and roar smothered him, and he staggered back and fell to the floor. She
moved slowly toward him, cautiously, as she might toward a wounded animal. He stared up into her
eyes, which inspected him impersonally. She tossed the pistol on the floor beside him and walked out
of the house.
He heard her steps on the porch, on the crisp dry oak leaves on the path, and then he could hear her
no more. And the monotonous sound that had been there all along was the cry of the twins, wanting
their dinner. He had forgotten to feed them.
