Think of all the beauty still left around you and be happy.

Anne Frank, Diary of a Young Girl, 1952

 
 
 
 
 
Tác giả: Val McDermid
Thể loại: Trinh Thám
Language: English
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Chapter 19
losing the front door behind her, Lindsay felt weariness creep over her at the thought of the day ahead. She got into the MG, noticing how badly she'd parked only seven hours before. The memory of her ordeal threatened to overwhelm her, so she quickly started the car and shot off. Driving, as usual, restored some of her equanimity, and she was fairly calm by the time she reached Brownlow. She went straight to the Red Cross bender and found Jane lying on a pallet reading a novel. Lindsay marvelled, once again, at the ability of the peace women to indulge in perfectly normal activities in such an outlandish situation. Guiltily breaking in to Jane's much-needed relaxation, Lindsay sketched out what she needed and why. Her sense of urgency transmitted itself to Jane, who agreed to the plan.
Lindsay waited until dusk, then borrowed a 2CV from one of the peace women. Going first to the hospital, she made a brief reconnaissance before heading back to the camp. She linked up with Jane as arranged and hastily they loaded the van with their own bags. Then Lindsay made up the double berth and got Cara ready for bed.
At twenty past seven, Lindsay got into the MG and shot off down the winding lane away from the camp, heading in the opposite direction from the hospital. A quarter of a mile down the road she spotted a set of headlamps in her rear-view mirror. Once she hit the outskirts of the town, she figured, her pursuer, this time in a green Ford Escort, would have to close up or risk losing her. Her calculations proved right. Thanks to her earlier homework, she shook off the pursuit by doubling back down an alley and taking a short cut up a oneway in the wrong direction. Then, driving in a leisurely fashion to a small industrial estate near the motorway, she tucked the MG into a car park behind one of the factory units. Jane was waiting for her in the van. Together they made straight for Fordham General. Lindsay directed Jane into a small loading area at the back of the main hospital building.
Lindsay crouched down beside Cara, who was lying in bed, drifting in and out of sleep. "I want you to promise me you'll stay here very quiet till we get back. We won't be long. We're going to fetch your mummy, but she'll still be very poorly, so you've got to be very gentle and quiet with her. Okay?" Cara nodded. "I promise we won't be long. Try to go back to sleep." She stroked Cara's hair, then joined Jane outside.
They had no difficulty in reaching Deborah's side ward without arousing untoward interest since it was still during visiting hours. Lindsay quickly scouted round to make sure the area was not under surveillance before the pair of them ducked into Deborah's room. In the thirty-six hours since Lindsay had last seen her, Deborah had made a noticeable improvement. She was propped up on her pillows watching television, the deathly white pallor had left her skin, and she looked like a woman in recovery mode. Even the drips had been taken out. When they entered, she grinned delightedly. "At last," she said. "I thought you'd all forgotten me."
"Far from it," said Lindsay, going to her and kissing her warmly. "Listen, there's no time to explain everything now. But we've got to get you out of here. The doctors say you can be moved safely, and Jane's promised to take care of you."
Jane nodded, picking up the chart on the end of the bed. "It looks as if your condition is quite stable now," she remarked. "Don't worry, Deborah, you'll be okay with me."
"I don't doubt it, Jane. But what's all this about, Lin? Why can't I stay here? Surely I must be safe enough or the police wouldn't have left me unguarded?"
Lindsay sighed. "I know it looks like I'm being really highhanded about this, but it's because I'm scared for you. You were attacked because Rupert Crabtree's murderer thinks you know something that can compromise him. I'll explain all the details later, I promise, but take it from me that the police won't arrest the person who attacked you. He doesn't know that, though. So you've got to get out of the firing line or he'll have another go.
"I've managed to arrange somewhere for you and Cara to stay for a while till the heat dies down, somewhere no one will find you. I don't trust the police to take care of you, so we're doing it all off our own bat, without their help. Will you trust me?"
"I don't seem to have a lot of choice, do I?" Deborah replied. "But I don't know how you're going to get me out of here. I tried getting out of bed this afternoon. It turned out to be a seriously bad idea."
It was a problem that hadn't occurred to Lindsay. But Jane had already found a solution. "A wheelchair, Lindsay," she said, smiling at the look of dismay on the other's face. "We passed a couple outside the main ward, in an alcove. Can you fetch one while I get Deborah ready?"
Lindsay strolled down the corridor, trying to look nonchalant till she reached the wheelchairs Jane had spotted. With all the subtlety of Inspector Clousseau, she wrestled one out of the alcove, struggled to release the brake, then shot off back to the side ward. Luckily no one saw her, for she would have aroused suspicion in the most naïve student nurse. Between them, Lindsay and Jane got Deborah into the wheelchair and wrapped a couple of hospital blankets round her. After checking that the coast was clear, they left the room. Jane started to push the wheelchair back the way they'd come, but Lindsay hissed, "No, this way," leading them in the opposite direction. During her earlier visit, she had reconnoitered an alternative route that was quicker and less public. Back at the van, it was a matter of moments for Lindsay and Jane to lift Deborah in. Jane settled her into the double berth beside an overjoyed Cara.
Even so short a move had clearly taken its toll on Debs, who looked more tired and pinched than she had done a few moments ago. Jane carefully arranged the pillows under her to give her maximum support, but Deborah could not stifle a low moan as she tried to find a comfortable position for her head. Cara looked scared, but Jane soothed her and persuaded her to lie down quietly at the far side of the bed. Leaving the wheelchair where it stood Lindsay climbed into the driver's seat.
With perfect timing, they left the hospital grounds in the middle of the stream of visitor's cars departing from the scene of duty done. Lindsay stayed in the flow of traffic for half a mile or so, then turned off to make a circuitous tour of the back streets of Fordham town centre, keeping a constant check on her mirrors. She trusted Rigano to keep his word, but she felt no confidence that Harriet Barber would do the same. After ten minutes of ducking and diving, Lindsay felt satisfied that no one was on their trail and headed back to the MG. She drew up beside the car and turned round to confer.
"We've got a long drive ahead. I anticipate about twelve hours, given the van. We need to take both vehicles, so I can leave you the MG. Where you're going you'll need wheels, and I think I need to borrow the van for a while. I suggest that we swap at the half-way stage, Jane, around Carlisle?"
"Okay, but we'll have to stop at every service area, so I can check on Deborah's condition," Jane replied.
"Just where are we going, Lin?" Deborah asked in a tired voice.
"An old school friend of mine has a cottage about ten miles from Invercross, where I grew up. She's a teacher, and she's away in Australia at the moment, on a six-month exchange scheme, so I fixed up for you to use the cottage. It's lovely there, ten minutes from the sea. Electricity, bottled gas for cooking, telly, peat fires - all you could ask for. And no one will come looking for you there. Cara can even go to the village school if she wants. It's a small community, but they'll keep their mouths shut about you being there if my mother explains that you're convalescing after an attack, and you're scared the man who attacked you is still looking for you."
"My God," said Deborah faintly.
"I'm sorry," said Lindsay. "I had to act quickly. I couldn't just sit back. There was no one else I could trust to make sure you were protected."
"And how long do I have to hide in the heather?"
"That depends. Until Simon Crabtree is dealt with. It could be months, I'm afraid."
"I'll stay as long as you need me," Jane chipped in.
"I can't take all of this in. What has Simon Crabtree to do with me?" Deborah demanded, hugging Cara close. "One minute I'm recuperating in the hospital, the next I'm thrust into a remake of The Three Musketeers crossed with The Thirty-nine Steps."
"I'll explain in the morning when I'm driving you, I promise," Lindsay replied. "But right now, we should get a move on."
"I'll take the van as far as Carlisle, then," Jane decided.
Lindsay nodded. "That'll be best. And don't push yourself too hard. Any time you need a rest or a coffee, just pull off at the services. I'm used to driving half the night, working shifts like I do, but I don't expect you to do the same."
"Cheeky so-and-so!" muttered Jane. "Have you forgotten the hours junior hospital doctors work? You'll be flaked out long before I will, Lindsay."
"Sorry, I forgot," Lindsay apologized.
The journey seemed endless. Deborah and Cara managed to sleep most of the way, only really waking during the last couple of hours. Lindsay explained the reasons for their flight to Deborah as she drove the last sixty miles down the familiar narrow roads with their spectacular views of the Argyllshire mountains and sea lochs on all sides. Cara was spellbound by the changing scenery and seemed not to be listening to the adult conversation.
Lindsay reached the end of her tale as they arrived in the tiny fishing village of Invercross. A cluster of brightly painted houses and cottages crowded along the harbour. "So here we are," Lindsay concluded. "Right back where I started all those years ago. Only this time, on the run like Bonnie Prince Charlie and Flora Macdonald." She pulled up outside a small, two-storey house on the harbour front. "Wait here a minute. I've got to get the keys."
The woman who opened the door before Lindsay reached it was small and wiry with curly grey hair and eyes that matched Lindsay's. She swept her daughter into her arms, saying, "It's grand to see you. It's been a long time since the New Year. Now, come in and have some breakfast. Bring your friends in. Is Cordelia up with you?"
Lindsay disengaged herself and followed her mother indoors. "No, she's busy. Listen, Mum, I want to get the others settled in at the cottage first, then I'll come back for a meal and a sleep before I get back to London."
"You're not stopping, then?" Her mother's obvious disappointment stabbed Lindsay. "You'll miss your father. He's at the fishing, he'll not be back before the morn's morning."
"I'm sorry, Mum, I'm in the middle of something big. This was a kind of emergency. Have you got Catriona's keys?"
Her mother produced a bunch of keys from her apron pocket. "I got them from Mrs. Campbell last night when you phoned. I went up this morning with a few essentials and lit the fire, so they should be comfortable."
Lindsay kissed her. "You're a wee gem, Mum. I'll be back in a couple of hours."
Her mother shook her head, an affectionate smile on her face. "You never stop, do you, lassie?"
Ten hours later, Lindsay was back on the road south. Jane, Deborah, and Cara were settled comfortably in the cottage, amply supplied with Mrs. Gordon's idea of essentials - bread, butter, milk, eggs, bacon, fish, onions, potatoes, and tea. Mrs. Gordon had promised to take Jane to sign on the following Monday. If she lied about paying rent, they could fiddle enough to live on. So there would be no need for any part of the official world to know Deborah's whereabouts. Jane thought Lindsay's precautions extreme, but she would not be moved.
Lindsay spent the night less comfortably than the three refugees. Her eyes were gritty and sore, her body ached from the jolting of the van's elderly suspension. She finally gave in when even the volume of the stereo couldn't keep her awake and alert. She parked in a lay-by off the motorway where she slept fitfully for five hours before hammering back down to London.
Somewhere around Birmingham, she realized that she'd felt no desire whatsoever to stay in Invercross with Deborah. That realization forced her to examine what she had been steadfastly ignoring during the traumatic events of the last few days. It was time to think about Cordelia and herself. Why had she felt such an overwhelming need to sleep with Deborah? Did she subconsciously want to end her relationship with Cordelia, and was Deborah just a tool she'd used? Until her kidnapping by the security forces, Lindsay had been confused and frightened about her emotions.
But there was no denying the fact that Cordelia had come to her rescue in spite of the problems there had been between them. Driving on, Lindsay gradually came to understand that her relief at seeing Cordelia outside GCHQ had been more than just gratitude. Her own behaviour had been negative in the extreme, and if she wanted to heal the breach between them, she would have to act fast. As that thought flickered across her mind, Lindsay realized there was no "if" about it. She knew she wanted to try again with Cordelia. Full of good resolutions, she parked the van outside the house just before noon and rushed in. The house was empty.
Stiff and exhausted and having lost track of time almost completely, Lindsay ran a sweet-smelling foam bath, put Monteverdi's 1610 Vespers on at high volume, and soaked for half an hour. Then, in sweat pants and dressing gown, she sat down at the word processor. Now that Deborah was safe, she had settled her obligations. There was even less honour among the Harriet Barbers of this world than among thieves and journalists, she had now realized. The promises they had made about leaving her alone had been shattered. They had tried their damndest to follow her. There was only one real insurance left. So she wrote the whole story of Rupert Crabtree's murder and its repercussions, leaving nothing out.
She had barely finished it when she heard the front door slam. Alerted by the music, Cordelia superfluously called, "I'm home." Pink-cheeked from the cold outside, she stopped in the doorway. "Welcome back," she said. Lindsay picked up the sheaf of paper on the desk and proffered it.
"I promised you an explanation," she said. "Here it is. The uncensored version. It's probably quicker if you read it rather than listen to me explaining it."
Cordelia took the papers. "I missed you," she said.
"I know," Lindsay replied. "And I've missed you, constantly. I'm not very good at being on my own. I tend to get overtaken by events, if you see what I mean."
Cordelia gave a sardonic smile. "I've heard it called a lot of things, but that's a new one on me." There was a silence, as they met in a wary and tentative embrace. Cordelia disengaged herself, saying, "Let me read this. Then we'll talk. Okay?"
"Okay. I'll be in the kitchen when you've finished. The idea of cooking dinner in a real kitchen is strangely appealing after the last few days."
It took Cordelia half an hour to work through Lindsay's account of her investigations. When she had finished, she sat staring out of the window. She could barely imagine the stress that Lindsay had been operating under. Now she could understand, even if she could not yet forgive, what she instinctively knew had happened between Lindsay and Deborah. But the most important thing now was to make sure Lindsay's natural inclination to the defense of principle was subdued for the sake of her own safety.
Cordelia found Lindsay putting the finishing touches to an Indian meal. "I had no idea," she said.
Lindsay shrugged. "I wanted so much to tell you," she said. "Not just at the end, but all through. I missed sharing my ideas with you."
"What about Deborah?"
"It's not something you should be worried about, truly."
"So what happens now? I don't mean with you and me, I mean with Deborah. Do we wait till Simon Crabtree is dealt with and then everything returns to normal?"
Lindsay shook her head. "No. Those bastards didn't keep their word. They tried to follow me - you read that, didn't you? So as far as I'm concerned, I'm not just sitting back till I get the all-clear from Rigano. The best way to make sure they deal with Crabtree is to force the whole thing into the open. Otherwise it could be months, years till one side or the other decides Crabtree has outlived his usefulness. I don't see why we should all live under a shadow till then. Besides, the guy is a murderer. He'll do it again the next time someone gets close to the truth. And next time it could be me. Or someone else I care about."
"So what are you going to do?"
"I'm going to give the whole story to Duncan. And if he won't use it, I'll give it to Dick McAndrew. Either way, it's going to be published."
"You're crazy," Cordelia protested. "They'll come after you instead of Crabtree. They've got your signature on the Official Secrets Act. And the first journo that fronts Crabtree with your story points the finger straight at you. If our lot don't get you, the Soviets will."
"Don't be so melodramatic," Lindsay replied crossly. "I know what I'm doing."
"And did you know what you were doing when you ended up in Harriet Barber's clutches the other night? I'd have thought you'd have learned more sense by now," said Cordelia bitterly.
"Point taken," Lindsay replied. "But there's no use in arguing, is there? We're starting from different premises. I'm operating on a point of principle as well as self-defense. All you care about is making sure nothing happens to me. That's very commendable, and I'd feel the same if our positions were reversed. But I think the fact that people who have committed no crime are hounded into hiding to protect a spy and a killer is too important to ignore simply because revealing it is going to make life difficult for me. I wish I could make you understand."
Cordelia turned away. "Oh, I understand all right. Rigano set you up to do his dirty work, and you fell for it."
Lindsay shook her head. "It's not that simple. But I do feel utterly demoralized and betrayed. And I've got to do something to get rid of these feelings, as well as all the other stuff."
Cordelia put her arms round Lindsay. "I just don't want you to get hurt. When you get wound up about something, you completely disregard your own safety."
"Well, I've learned my lesson. This time, I'm going to make sure my public profile is too high for them to come after me," Lindsay retorted. "Trust me, please."
Cordelia kissed her. "Oh, I trust you. It's the other nutters I worry about."
Lindsay smiled. "Let's eat, eh? And then, maybe an early night?"
In the morning, Lindsay smiled reminiscently about their rapprochement the night before as she gathered all her papers together and prepared to set off for an early briefing with Duncan at the office. Before she left, Cordelia hugged her, saying, "Good luck and take care. I'm really proud of you, you know."
"Yes, I know. I'll see you later."
"I'm afraid I'll be back quite late. I'm sorry, I didn't know you'd be home. I promised William we could work on the script rewrites for the new series tonight," Cordelia apologized.
Lindsay smiled. "No problem. I'll probably be late myself, given the importance of the story. I might even wait for the first edition to drop. I'll see you whenever."
Outside the house, Lindsay hailed a cab and headed for the office. She had barely stepped into the newsroom when Duncan's deputy told her to go straight to the editor's office. His secretary had obviously been briefed to expect her, for Lindsay was shown straight in, instead of being left to cool her heels indefinitely with a cup of cold coffee.
Three men were waiting for her - Duncan, Bill Armitage, the editor, and Douglas Browne, the Clarion group's legal manager. No one said a word of greeting. Lindsay sensed the intention was to intimidate her, and she steeled herself against whatever was to come. "I've brought my copy in," she said, to break the silence. She handed the sheaf of paper to Duncan, who barely glanced at it.
Bill Armitage ran his hands through his thick grey hair in a familiar gesture. "You've wasted your time, Lindsay," he said. "We'll not be using a line of that copy."
"What?" Her surprise was genuine. She had expected cuts and rewrites, but not a blanket of silence.
Duncan replied gruffly, "You heard, kid. We've had more aggravation over you this weekend than over every other dodgy story we've ever done. The bottom line is that we've been made to understand that if we fight on this one it will be the paper's death knell. You're a union hack - you know the paper's financial situation. We can't afford a big legal battle. And I take the view that if we can't protect our staff, we don't put them in the firing line."
Armitage cut across Duncan's self-justification. "We've got responsibilities to the public. And that means we don't make our living out of stirring up needless unrest. To be quite blunt about it, we're not in the business of printing unsubstantiated allegations against the security services. All that does is destroy people's confidence in the agencies that look after our safety."
Lindsay was appalled. "You mean the security people have been on to you already?"
The editor shook his head patronisingly. "Did you really think the mayhem you've been causing wouldn't bring them down about our ears like a ton of bricks? Jesus Christ, Lindsay, you've been in this game long enough not to be so naïve. You can't possibly have the sort of cast-iron proof we'd need to run this story."
Lindsay looked doubtful. "I think I have, Bill. Most of it can be backed up by other people, and I can get hold of a copy of the computer tape that clinches it all. The cops can't deny what has been going on, either. Superintendent Rigano should be able to back it up."
"Rigano was one of the people who was here yesterday," Browne said heavily. "There will be no help from that quarter. The story must be killed, Lindsay."
"I'm sorry," said Duncan. "I know you worked hard for it."
"Worked hard? I nearly got myself killed for it." Lindsay shook her head disbelievingly. "This story is dynamite," she protested. "We're talking about murder, spying, security breaches, GBH, and kidnapping, all going on with the consent of the people on our side who are supposed to be responsible for law and order. And you're telling me you haven't got the bottle to use it because those bastards are going to make life a little bit awkward for you? Don't you care about what they've done to me, one of your own?"
"It's not that we don't care. But there's nothing we can legitimately do," the editor replied. "Look, Lindsay, forget the whole thing. Take a week off, get it into perspective."
Lindsay stood up. "No," she said. "No way. I can't accept this. I never thought I'd be ashamed of this paper. But I am now. And I can't go on working here feeling like that. I'm sorry, Duncan, but I quit. I resign. As of now, I don't work for you any more." She stopped abruptly, feeling tears beginning to choke her. She snatched up the sheaf of copy from the table where Duncan had laid it, turned, and walked out of the office. No one tried to stop her.
In the ladies' toilet, she was comprehensively sick. She splashed cold water on her face and took several deep breaths before heading for the offices of Socialism Today.
Here there were no security men on the door to challenge her, no secretaries to vet her. She walked straight up to the big room on the second floor where the journalists worked. Dick was perched on the corner of his desk, his back to her, a phone jammed to his ear. "Yeah, okay..." he said resignedly. "Yeah, okay. Tomorrow it is then. See you." He slammed the phone down. "Fucking Trots. Who needs them?" he muttered, turning round to reach for his mug of coffee. Catching sight of Lindsay, he actually paled. "Christ! What the hell are you doing here?"
"I've got a story for you," she said, opening her bag and taking out another copy of her manuscript.
"Is it to do with the computer print-out?" he demanded.
"Sort of. Among other things. Like murder, kidnapping, GBH, and spying. Interested?"
He shook his head reluctantly. "Sorry, Lindsay. No can do. Listen, I had the heavies round at my place last night about you. It's a no-no, darling. It may be the best story of the decade, but I'm not touching it."
A sneer of contempt flickered at the corner of Lindsay's mouth. "I expected the big boys at the Clarion to wet themselves at the thought of prosecution. But I expected you to take that sort of thing in your stride. I thought you were supposed to be the fearless guardian of the public's right to know?"
Dick looked ashamed and sighed deeply. "It wasn't prosecution they threatened me with, Lindsay. These are not people who play by the rules. These are not pussycats. These are people who know how to hurt you where you live. They were talking nasty accidents. And they knew all about Marianne and the kiddy. I'll take risks on my own account, Lindsay, but I'm not having on my conscience anything that might happen to my wife and child. You wouldn't take chances with Cordelia, would you?"
Lindsay shook her head. Exhaustion surged over her in a wave. "I suppose not, Dick. Okay, I'll be seeing you."
It took her more than an hour to walk back to the empty house. She was gripped by a sense of utter desolation and frustration that she sensed would take a long time to dissipate. There had been too many betrayals in the last week. She turned into their street, just as a red Fiesta vanished round the corner at the far end of the mews behind. That unremarkable event was enough on a day like this to make her break into a run. She fumbled with her keys, clumsy in her haste, then ran upstairs. At first glance, everything seemed normal. But when she went into the living room, she realized that every cassette had been removed from the shelves above the stereo. In the study it was the same story. Lindsay crouched down on the floor against the wall, hands over her face, and shivered as the sense of insecurity overwhelmed her.
She had no idea how long she crouched there feeling utterly defenseless. Eventually the shaking stopped, and she got unsteadily to her feet. In the kitchen, she put some coffee on, then noticed there was a message on the answering machine. She lit a cigarette and played the tape back.
The voice sounded scared. "Lindsay. This is Annie Norton. I've been burgled. My car has been broken into, and my office has also been turned over. I suspect this may have something to do with you since all that has been stolen are cassettes. Whoever was responsible has probably got your phone bugged, so for their benefit as well as yours, for the record, they have now got the only data I had relating to that bloody tape you brought me. I wish you'd bloody warned me you didn't have the sense to leave this alone, Lindsay. You'd better stay away from me till this is all over - I need my security clearance so I can work. Look, take care of yourself. This isn't a game. Be careful. Goodbye."
It was the last straw. Lindsay sat down at the table, dropped her head in her hands and wept till her eyes stung and her sinuses ached. Then she sat, staring at the wall, reviewing what had happened, trying to find a way forward for herself. As the afternoon wore on, she smoked steadily and worked her way down the best bottle of Burgundy she could find in the house.
By teatime she knew exactly what she had to do. She set off across the park for the phone box and started setting wheels in motion.
Common Murder Common Murder - Val McDermid Common Murder