i, this is Daniel phoning to see if you want to go to the theatre on Saturday – ’

‘Daniel!’ Vicky rushes over to the phone and picks up, interrupting Daniel’s message on the machine.

‘Amber?’ Daniel’s voice is hopeful.

‘No! It’s me! Vicky! I’m home!’

‘Oh.’ Daniel tries, but fails, to hide the disappointment in his voice.

‘Well thanks a lot,’ Vicky snorts with laughter. ‘Don’t get too excited I’m home, you might fall off your chair.’

‘Sorry, Vix,’ Daniel recovers. ‘But I thought you were still in America for another week or so. Did I get it wrong?’

‘Nah. You’re right, but we decided to cut it short. I missed you too much.’

‘Oh ha ha. Now I know you’re joking. Missed Jamie Donnelly, more like.’

Vicky is silenced for a second, thinking about the time she wasted missing Jamie Donnelly, then pulls herself together. ‘Jamie Donnelly’s shagging Teri Hatcher apparently,’ she says. ‘So that’s all over. Lying bloody bastard.’

‘But you knew he was a womanizer,’ Daniel protests.

‘Yes, but naively I thought I might be the one to change his wicked ways.’

‘You women. All the same.’ Daniel laughs. ‘You all think you’ll be the one to reform us.’

‘Actually I beg to differ,’ Vicky says. ‘As far as you’re concerned I know you’re a lost cause, and not only do I not think I would ever stand a chance of reforming you, I wouldn’t even want to try.’

‘Thanks a lot,’ Daniel pretends to be hurt. ‘But your American counterpart could have reformed me. She was gorgeous. Seriously. A heart-breaker.’

‘Bollocks!’ Vicky snorts. ‘I mean yes, she’s gorgeous, but the only reason you fancied her so much is because she’s married, happily so, and didn’t give you a second glance. It’s the thrill of the chase, Dan my man. If Amber ever turned round and said, why Daniel, I do believe I made a mistake in marrying Richard, and you are in fact the man I’ve been looking for my entire life, you’d run a bloody mile.’

‘Oh all right, maybe you’re right,’ Daniel grumbles. ‘But not before shagging her.’

‘God, you never change, do you?’

‘No. Speaking of shagging, what’s her husband like, and did you do the dirty deed?’

‘No I did not! Married men are not my speed, thank you,’ Vicky says indignantly, grateful Daniel can’t see the near-guilty flush on her cheeks.

‘So,’ Daniel settles into his sofa with a grin. ‘Now that Amber has left and you’re home, how about a welcome-home get-together this evening? My place or yours?’

Vicky hesitates, and then shakes her head. ‘No, Dan,’ she says eventually. ‘I think that we have to stop this sleeping together business. I really love you as a friend, but I think it would be best if we stopped sleeping together. It just… doesn’t feel right any more. I don’t quite know how to explain it, but I’d rather just be friends, proper friends.’

‘Oh.’ Daniel’s ego slaps his disappointment down as he mentally scrolls down a list of other women he can call. ‘Don’t worry, Vicky. Sounds great.’

‘So do you still want to get together this evening?’ she says. ‘We could have a drink, or dinner or something.’

‘You know what?’ Daniel remembers a curvaceous brunette called Rachel that he met a month or so ago and never got round to calling. Perhaps he’ll give her a call tonight. And if Rachel is busy there’s that eager new researcher at work who’s desperate to please, and if he can’t get hold of her he could always try Poppy, who’s usually up for a late-night tryst. ‘I’m going to have an early night instead.’

‘Liar!’ Vicky laughs. ‘You’re just going to flick through your little black book until you find someone who will have sex with you tonight.’

‘I’m not that kind of man!’ Daniel protests.

‘Don’t worry, Dan. I’m not judging you. It’s one of the reasons I love you, and one of the reasons I won’t be sleeping with you any more. Have a great evening and call me if ever you want to go to the movies, okay?’

‘You’re the best, Vix,’ Daniel says, and with a sigh of pity he says goodbye, wishing he could actually fall for someone like her, settle down with a good girl, someone who makes him laugh, who loves him for who he is, who would ensure he would never be lonely again.

But then again, so many women, so little time. And Daniel picks up his Blackberry and scrolls down, looking for the one amongst the hundreds who may be available tonight.

Daniel doesn’t think about why Vicky said no, but Vicky does. She hadn’t thought about Daniel while she was away, but now that she’s back she knows that she can’t continue because she deserves better.

She deserves more than someone who calls her up every now and then late at night when he’s feeling horny. Deserves better than someone to whom she is just another number in the Blackberry, an easy one at that because she lives so close – hell, possibly for Daniel she’s even a last resort: no other women available tonight? Then I’ll call good old Vix.

She doesn’t want to be good old Vixany more. Spending the two weeks with Richard, living the life of a married woman, has given her a glimpse of what a true marriage can be like.

Not that she would ever admit she had fallen for Richard, but she did find him attractive; and more than that, for the first time ever she had an idea of the intimacy that came with marriage, the friendship, the sharing.

And it wasn’t as if she didn’t want it any more – God knows, at her age she was still just as keen to find a Richard of her own – but she could see that it had to be right, that she wouldn’t settle for just anyone, that sex without strings had been just fine before, when she didn’t know what else she was missing, but now that she knew she would never settle for sex with no strings again, not even while she was waiting for her Richard to appear on the horizon.

I do deserve better than a Daniel, she thinks, or a Jamie Donnelly. I deserve better than a good-looking Lothario, or a man who claims to be my friend just to get me between the sheets. But if he doesn’t come along, she realizes, lying in her bed and stroking Eartha who purrs delightedly, thrilled to have her mistress home at last (the other woman had been perfectly fine, but she hadn’t stroked her in quite the right way, and Eartha could definitely smell dog…), if he doesn’t come along I am quite happy.

Perhaps I did need to go away to appreciate what I have, thinks Vicky, feeling safe and cosy in her small flat, knowing that tomorrow morning she will wake up at whatever time she wakes up, and will have the rest of the day in which to do whatever she feels like doing. She will make herself coffee in her little kitchen, and will drink it curled up on the sofa reading the stack of magazines she bought at the airport and didn’t have a chance to read because she slept the entire way home.

She will wander down the High Street to get a croissant at Patisserie Valerie, and will then come home and phone her friends, tell them about her experiences of life-swapping.

This afternoon she will jump on the train and go down to Somerset to see Kate and Andy. She has presents for everyone – sweatshirts, baseball hats, and of course tubes of Smarties for the kids, snowglobes of New York, an antique map of New England for the adults.

She is desperate to see her family, has missed them enormously, and she realizes now that she is home how unsettling the past few weeks have been. It is enormous fun pretending to be someone else, but it would have been more fun for about three days. Long enough to see what it was like, not long enough to miss her life so much.

Although perhaps she wouldn’t have learnt to appreciate what she has if she had only stayed a handful of days.

Admittedly there are things she will miss about being Amber. She will miss her fantastic wardrobe, even though she didn’t have a chance to wear half the things Amber owns, not least because half of them didn’t fit her.

She will miss pretending to be mistress of an enormous house, even though the house wasn’t hers, wasn’t decorated the way she would decorate, but it was fun to pretend.

She will miss the children, because they were adorable, particularly that little Gracie, and she will miss Richard, will miss hearing his stories over dinner, going out to the diner with him and the kids, loving the pretence of being a real family.

But she also had no time for herself, not once the routine had kicked in, not once she had decided to be supermom and had basically waved goodbye to Lavinia. When the children were crying, or whining, or fighting, Vicky was the only one who could step in. When Gracie came in crying at five o’clock in the morning, Vicky had to get up and soothe her, put her back to bed. When Jared arrived at camp and burst into tears because he’d forgotten his Hulk fist for show and tell, Vicky was the one who had to schlep back home to get it.

When Richard was around, on the weekends, Vicky could indulge in her perfect fantasy of what it was to be married; but during the week, the humdrum existence of life in the suburbs, with the husbands at work and the uber-wives running the show, sent Vicky’s fantasies disappearing out of the window.

I would love to be married, she thinks, gazing into space and allowing herself a gentle memory of Richard’s near-kiss in the pool before shaking her head and sending it on its way, but only if I found someone wonderful, and right now I’m just going to enjoy being by myself.

Look at this, she thinks, stepping out of bed and shuffling into the living room with a wide grin on her face, so thankful for everything she has. Look how lucky I am to be living in this gorgeous flat, to have my wonderful job, to be exactly where I am right now.

And she picks up the phone and calls Kate and Andy, to tell them what train she’ll be on.

‘I missed you!’ Kate wraps Vicky in a giant hug, disengages for a second, then hugs her again, squeezing her tight.

‘Oh God, I missed you too!’ Vicky says. ‘Where are the kids?’

‘At home boxing up eggs.’

‘Eggs? I thought you only had five chickens. How many eggs have you got?’

Kate rolls her eyes. ‘It’s a long story. We lost some chickens to the fox– you missed a terribly sad funeral,’ Kate tries, and fails, to keep a straight face, ‘and then Bill-the-chicken-man said he knew of someone who wanted to get rid of their chickens, so we said we’d take them, and now we have twenty chickens, and more eggs than we know what to do with, so the kids are boxing them up and selling them at the village shop.’

‘Oh the dramas of living in the country.’ Vicky grins, linking her arm through Kate’s as they walk to the car. ‘So tell me about Amber. Did she come to see you? Did you like her? Please tell me the kids didn’t like her as much as me.’

‘Of course the kids didn’t like her as much as you – you’re their auntie, for heaven’s sake, but she did come down and she was very nice, although I think she was a bit overwhelmed by the chaos in our house.’

‘Ah yes,’ Vicky laughs. ‘I imagine she would have been.’

‘Is her house as grand and quiet as I imagine?’

‘I want to say no, but,’ Vicky winces, ‘yes. It’s all very perfect, apart from the playroom which is the only room in the house where there’s ever any mess, and even that has to be cleaned up by the nanny every night.’

‘I know. She was saying that she has a team of people running her life, and I think we made her miss doing things herself.’

‘Well that’s good,’ Vicky says, ‘because I’m pretty sure the teams of people are going to be disappearing.’

‘She did say she wanted more control of her life.’

‘She’s going to get it,’ Vicky bursts out. ‘And don’t tell anyone I told you because we’re saving it for the piece, but her husband lost his job six months ago and hadn’t told anyone, and I’m pretty sure that she’s going to get her wish because I don’t think there’s any money left.’

‘Oh gracious!’ Kate says in alarm. ‘I suppose they do say be careful what you wish for. And what about you, young lady? And your wish to have this life and be an old married lady? Is that still going strong since the life swap?’

‘Yes and no. It’s made me realize that I do actually love my life, and although of course I’d give it up, it would have to be for the right person. I know this sounds odd, but I don’t feel desperate any more. If it happens, then lovely, and if not, well that’s lovely too.’

‘Well I think that’s the healthiest way of all to feel,’ smiles Kate as they reach the car. ‘Now let’s go home and crack open some champagne.’

‘Auntie Vicky!’ Luke and Polly place their egg cartons carefully on the floor, while Sophie just lets hers drop, thereby smashing all the eggs, as they run into Vicky’s arms.

‘There was an American lady who was staying in your flat,’ Luke says, ‘and she was really nice and she came to stay here and Dad was joking that we should call her Auntie Vicky but we didn’t and she’s not as fun as you because she didn’t come up to our bedrooms and play with us on the floor like you do…’

‘But she did play with me,’ Sophie says. ‘And Bill-the-chicken-man said she had a serious pair of legs on her…’

‘I did not!’ an indignant voice comes over from the other side of the garden where Andy and Bill-the-chicken-man emerge from the kitchen, bottles of beer in hand.

‘Yes you did!’ the three children chorus.

‘You said you wished you were in with a chance!’ Luke says with a grin.

‘Did I really? I must have been very drunk to say that out loud. Hello!’ he says, extending a hand to Vicky. ‘I’m Bill. I think we met once before.’

‘Vicky. Hello,’ and she shakes his hand and smiles, turning to give Andy a big hug.

*

‘Bill’s right,’ Andy says as he gets the barbecue ready for supper. ‘She did have a serious pair of legs, but still, she wasn’t you, and that’s all that matters.’

‘Will you all stop going on about me saying she had a serious pair of legs. You make me sound like an old lech.’ Bill rolls his eyes.

‘What’s a lech?’ Luke asks.

‘Never you mind,’ Bill says. ‘Have you finished those boxes yet? I told the shop I’d deliver them by six.’

‘Oh, but Bill, you’ve got to stay for supper!’ Kate insists, coming out of the kitchen with a fresh jug of Pimms. ‘I’ve got tons of food. Delicious roast lamb and salad, and yummy gazpacho that we made this morning.’

‘Roast lamb,’ Bill says dreamily. ‘Well…’

‘Do stay. Doesn’t your ex have the kids this weekend?’

‘Yes, but…’

‘But nothing. You’re staying for supper. I won’t take no for an answer.’

‘Kate,’ Vicky hisses in a whisper as she runs back into the kitchen on the pretence of helping Kate prepare the marinade. ‘I hope this isn’t a set-up.’

‘What do you mean?’ Kate says innocently.

‘You know what I mean. I hope you’re not playing match-maker.’

‘Vicky!’ Kate says, disgruntled. ‘How can you accuse me of such a thing? I haven’t invited him to stay for a romantic dinner, it’s us and all the kids. I wouldn’t dream of fixing you up with Bill.’

‘Okay, good.’

Kate sidles up to Vicky at the sink and bumps her hip gently against Vicky’s. ‘But did you see his bum?’

‘What?’ Vicky turns to her in horror.

‘No seriously. He has the sexiest bum I’ve ever seen. You look at it when we go back out. I bet he looks delicious naked.’

‘Kate Townsley! How old are you?’

‘Old enough to indulge in chaste fantasies about men with sexy bums, especially in faded Levis,’ she shivers. ‘Good Lord, I should have a cold shower.’

‘Not that I’m interested,’ Vicky says slowly, ‘but how come he’s divorced?’

‘Wife ran off with the builder. All rather awful although now he says he realizes it’s a good thing, although very hard on the kids. They weren’t that happy, he says now, but he would have stayed, just assumed that that was the way his life was going to be.’

‘And no girlfriend?’ Vicky says, because he is quite attractive, even though she hadn’t ever really thought about it before, had assumed he was unavailable.

‘Nope.’ Kate grins at her. ‘Are you interested?’

‘Oh don’t be ridiculous!’ Vicky says. ‘I don’t even know the man.’

‘Okay, okay. Just make sure you check out his bum,’ she whispers, as the men walk back into the kitchen.

*

Kate takes the kids up to bath them, Andy disappears over to the neighbour to take back the saw he’d borrowed earlier, and Vicky and Bill clear the dishes.

‘You’ve got to be careful about accepting dinner invitations here,’ Vicky says. ‘Delicious food but you have to do the washing-up.’

‘Wash or dry?’ Bill says.

‘I’ll wash.’

‘I was hoping you’d say that. I’m a hopeless washer. My ex-wife used to ban me from doing any washing-up. Can’t say I minded desperately.’

‘Does she still live locally?’

‘Yes, we still live in the same house actually.’

‘You do?’

‘Well, it’s divided into two, but it’s great for the children. They’re eight and ten, and we wanted to cause them as little disruption as possible, so Melanie and Des live on one side, and I live on the other with my chickens.’

‘You got the raw end of the deal, then.’

‘Why, because of the chickens?’ Vicky nods as Bill bursts into laughter. ‘Actually she hates the chickens, and I’d far rather have the chickens than Des.’

‘He was your builder?’

‘Yup. Actually he’s not bad. He can’t be that bad for putting up with Mel.’ Bill grins.

‘But isn’t it weird, living in the same house as them?’

‘I know others think so, but it works for us. Speaking of weird, isn’t it weird to swap lives with a married woman?’

‘Fair enough,’ Vicky laughs. ‘You win. Although that was for work rather than by choice.’

‘Are you glad you did it?’

‘Yes. I really am. I think it really changed the way I think, made me much happier with what I’ve got.’

‘I bet the husband must have been happy when you showed up.’

Vicky almost drops the plate she’s washing in shock. ‘Why, Bill! Was that a compliment?’

‘A very heavy-handed one,’ he says sheepishly, ‘but yes.’

‘Well thank you,’ she grins. ‘Flattery will get you everywhere. Even though,’ she gives him a sideways glance, ‘I don’t have a serious pair of legs.’

‘Oh I don’t know.’ Bill raises an eyebrow. ‘They didn’t look too bad to me,’ and embarrassed at how forward he is, he looks away and pretends to be busy with the tea towel. ‘There. Done.’ He finishes drying the last dish and hangs the damp cloth on the hook.

‘I should go and help Kate with the kids,’ Vicky says during the awkward silence.

‘Absolutely not,’ Bill says. ‘You can’t leave a guest here all by himself. Come and sit with me outside and tell me everything about the life swap.’

And so Vicky does.

‘Well?’ Kate says as Bill finally leaves at the end of the evening. ‘I saw the two of you through the window while I was bathing the kids. Laughing and flirting away, Miss “I’m not interested”!’

‘I was not flirting!’ Vicky says, with a blush. ‘Okay, well maybe just a tiny bit.’

‘So?’

‘So?’

‘So did anything happen?’

‘Yes. We had sex on the sun lounger while you were upstairs.’

Kate’s mouth falls open as Vicky starts to laugh.

‘Oh, you ridiculous thing! Of course we didn’t have sex. But he asked me if I’d like to come over for dinner next time I’m up. He says he’s a wonderful cook.’

‘And will you?’

‘I said I’d love to.’

‘Oh goodness!’ Kate says excitedly, her cheeks flushed with alcohol and promise. ‘Imagine if you married him! You’d live two minutes away! We’d see you all the time. Vicky Arlington! Mrs Arlington! Mrs Bill Arlington!’

‘Andy!’ Vicky calls her brother in from the other room. ‘Will you shut your wife up?’

‘Absolutely,’ he grins. ‘Kate? Mrs Arlington would very much like it if you shut up. How’s that?’ He turns to Vicky who rolls her eyes.

‘You’re as bad as one another. It’s dinner, for God’s sake. And it’s at his house, not even a date. And who knows what will happen? We’ll probably just be friends.’

‘Okay, but just tell me one thing, and then I’ll shut up forever,’ Kate pleads. ‘Did you notice his bum?’

‘Yes,’ Vicky grins. ‘And yes, you’re right. It is as sexy as you described.’