With compassion you can die for other people, like the mother who can die for her child. You have the courage to say it because you are not afraid of losing anything, because you know that understanding and love is the foundation of happiness. But if you have fear of losing your status, your position, you will not have the courage to do it.
Thích Nhất Hạnh
ePub
A4Chapter 20
“T
urn around,” he ordered.She blinked in confusion and looked behind her. She was on the bed. What did he mean?
“On your hands and knees. Face away from me,” he said.
Even as she went to do his bidding, he helped her get awkwardly on her knees as she turned to face the wall. He urged her backward, easing her knees along the soft mattress until her lower legs dangled in midair.
As soon as he was satisfied with her position, he slid his hands over the curve of her behind. It was an odd sensation being in such a position. Her mind conjured all sorts of naughty images, but she wasn’t sure such things were possible.
He squeezed and fondled the globes before moving lower to spread her folds. He ran his fingers through her wetness, sliding easily inside her. His entry shocked her and she bucked upward to meet the movement of his hand.
“I would take you like this, Keeley. Like a stallion covering a mare. Would you like that?”
She closed her eyes and let her chin fall to her chest as she sucked in deep, steadying breaths through her nose.
“Aye,” she whispered.
Her knees trembled and threatened to buckle underneath her. She braced her palms against the bed in an effort to keep from falling.
She felt extremely vulnerable in this position. She had no defense. He could take her as he liked, do anything he wanted, and there was naught she could do.
Again his hand smoothed over her backside, caressing and rubbing until she sighed with pleasure. Then his other hand grasped her hip and he held her in place.
The tip of his c*ck bumped against her entrance, moved away, and then back again before he finally plunged forward, burying himself in her damp heat.
She threw back her head and would have cried out if he suddenly hadn’t covered her mouth with his hand.
“Shh, lass. Easy now,” he soothed.
She let out a whimper as he pushed even deeper. It didn’t seem possible that she could take him so deep. She felt full to bursting, stretched so tight around him, it was almost painful.
“I’m going to ride you hard, Keeley.” The words came out as a near growl. His voice was hoarse and raspy as though he hung on to control by a mere thread. “Just lie still and take it. I’ll take care of you.”
She had no choice. Her head was bent to the mattress and her arms were splayed out, her fingers curled into the covers. Her knees were her only means of support as he drove into her again and again.
Images battered her mind. How must he look mounted over her? Her mouth went completely dry, and she closed her eyes as pleasure quaked over her body.
He was deep, so much deeper than he’d been the previous two times he’d taken her. She was much more sensitive now after having endured his possession twice already. His movements were part pain, but raw, edgy pleasure as well.
After a few moments, the cloud of pleasure dissipated and she became aware of the raw twinges with every one of his thrusts. He was too thick, too big, too deep this way.
He plunged deep, his h*ps slapping against her buttocks. She let out a soft cry and flinched away.
He froze and carefully withdrew, but even that elicited a tiny sound of pain.
“Keeley, what is it? Have I hurt you?”
He turned her around, sat on the bed, and pulled her into his arms. He kissed her brow and stroked her hair as he stared anxiously into her eyes.
She grimaced. “I’m a bit tender.”
He cursed softly, self-recrimination burning brightly in his eyes. “You were a virgin and yet I’ve used you like a woman well accustomed to matters of the flesh. ’Tis inexcusable. I wanted you so much that I paid no heed to your comfort.”
She rubbed her hand over his cheek and smiled. “I wanted you as much as you wanted me. I still do. ’Twas just uncomfortable for a moment.”
Alaric shook his head. “You should have a long, hot, soaking bath to soothe your aches and pains. I’ll have one brought up to your chamber so you can have the care you deserve.”
Again she smiled and pushed her mouth up to his to kiss him. “A bath sounds heavenly, but right now, we have but another hour until dawn. And I want to spend that time in your arms. Could we lie in your bed and rest for the remainder of our time?”
His gaze softened and he pushed a stray tendril of hair behind her ear. “Aye, lass. There’s nothing more I want than to hold you against me. When the morning comes, I’ll have your bath brought up to your chambers. No shame will be visited upon you for this night.”
She grasped his hand and squeezed. “It would be worth any shame to have spent this night with you, Alaric. I want you to know that. I have no regrets.”
“Me either. No regrets. I’ll hold this night close for the rest of my days.”
She allowed him to lay them both back onto the bed. Alaric reached for the furs and pulled them over himself and Keeley until they were bundled up warm against each other.
“I’ll not sleep this night,” she said. “For I don’t want to miss a single minute in your arms.”
Alaric kissed her brow and gently rubbed his hand repeatedly down the side of her hair.
“I’ll not pretend I’ve not loved you, Keeley. In public, aye, I’d never do anything to bring you shame. In private, however, don’t expect me to pretend you didn’t give your innocence to me.”
Her smile was sad. “Nay, Alaric. I’ll not pretend either. But ’tis for the best not to dwell on impossible matters.”
“Let us cease this kind of talk. I find it makes my heart heavy.”
“Then wrap yourself around me and keep me warm until I must rise and return to my cold bedchamber.”
“Aye, lass. I can do just that.”
CHAPTER 20
Dawn was creeping across the sky, bringing with it ugly fingers of regret that the night was over. Keeley lay sleeping against him, her head nestled in the crook of his arm.
Her arm was thrown possessively over his midriff and her br**sts were flattened against his side.
Slowly he grazed his fingers up and down her bare arm as he inhaled the scent of her hair just an inch from his nose. He loved touching her. Loved her smell. Loved the feel of her next to him. It was a feeling he’d enjoy waking to for all his days.
Instead he had to look forward to another woman in his bed. Someone who didn’t have Keeley’s sweetness or her fire. Or her infuriating stubbornness that amused him to no end.
He turned into her, gathering her tight as he buried his face in her hair. She stirred quietly next to him and stretched, her body tightening against his as her back bowed.
As he drew away so he could look down at her, her lips split into a wide yawn and then her eyelashes fluttered as the lids opened. At first her eyes were cast in cloudy sleepiness, but then they warmed as she smiled up at him.
Unable to resist, he stroked the line of her cheek with his fingertip. At her lips, he paused and she kissed the tip before returning her gaze to his eyes.
“Good morn,” he murmured.
She snuggled closer to him. “I hate ’tis morning already.”
Dread pulsed in his throat. “Aye, I hate it, too. But we must hasten you back to your chamber before ’tis discovered you’re here.”
She sighed and rose up on her elbow, her hair spilling over her shoulder, covering her plump br**sts. When she would have pushed herself even farther away from him, he caught her by the waist and rolled her until she was atop him.
Raising his head, he caught her lips, so full and sweet. Soft like the finest silk. He kissed her as he’d never kissed a woman, allowing the full force of his desire and his regret to spill over.
As she pulled away, her eyes dark with all the things he felt most, he smoothed a hand over her cheek, then thrusting his fingers into the thick pelt of her hair. “You have no equal, Keeley. I want you to know that.”
She smiled and lowered down to kiss him one last time. “You have no equal either, warrior.”
He sighed. The time had come. She must return now before the keep came alive with activity and the halls were filled with those attending the needs of the laird and his lady.
“Dress quickly, lass,” he urged. “I’ll give Gannon his instructions.”
As she hurried over to slip her dress back on, Alaric went to the door and cracked it open. Only Gannon was outside in the darkened hallway. Nary a window or a torch illuminated the path.
“Gannon,” Alaric whispered.
Trained to be alerted by the slightest of noises, Gannon roused himself and was on his feet in a mere moment.
“Is something amiss?” Gannon demanded.
“Nay, I have need of something.”
Gannon waited.
“Take the tub from this room into Keeley’s. Have water brought up for a hot bath. Make sure no one knows where she spent her night. While you are belowstairs, I’ll return her to her room.”
Gannon nodded, and Alaric looked back to make sure Keeley was fully dressed. He didn’t want her embarrassed by Gannon’s appearance so he strode across the room, shielding her from view with his large body while Gannon set about dragging the tub from the chamber.
Keeley lay her cheek against his chest and he rested his chin atop her head. When the chamber door closed behind Gannon, Alaric drew away and clasped her shoulders.
“Come. I’ll see you to your chambers. You should be abed when the water is brought up so it appears you have just awoken.”
She bit her bottom lip and then nodded. Before he gave in to the temptation to hold her a moment longer, he guided her toward the door and into the darkened hallway.
They ducked quickly into the chamber just as Gannon was exiting. Alaric held up a finger for him to await him before urging Keeley toward the bed.
She climbed beneath the covers and Alaric sat on the edge, simply watching her for a long moment. Then he bent and pressed his lips to her forehead.
“I’ll treasure last night forever.”
“As will I,” she whispered. “Go now, Alaric. Parting is all the more difficult for the hesitation.”
He swallowed and stood abruptly. She was right in that regard. The longer he tarried, the more tempted he was to say to hell with everyone.
Without a backward glance he left the chamber. Gannon awaited him, and Alaric gave his instructions in a terse voice.
“See to her bath. Make sure she is undisturbed. Pass the word that she is tired and feeling unwell and will remain in her chamber for the day. There is no work for her to be done this day.”
“Aye,” Gannon said with a nod.
Alaric watched him go and then stepped back into his chamber. He closed the door behind him and leaned heavily against it, his heart thudding like an ax to wood.
Being with Keeley had been the sweetest of pleasures, but having her and knowing he was forbidden her was an agony that surpassed any wound of the flesh.
Keeley hunkered lower in the now cooling water and drew her knees to her chin. The heat had soothed the aches in her body, but naught could be done about the ache that still resided in her heart.
She shook her head and turned to lay her cheek on her knees. Last night had been the single most wonderful night of her life. It was a moment to cherish. She’d spend a lifetime reliving every touch. Every touch.
There was no place for sadness now.
And yet she couldn’t shake the heavy feeling in her chest.
A knock sounded at the door, and Keeley closed her eyes, hugging her legs a little closer. If she ignored the summons, they’d go away surely.
To her horror, the door swung open. Just as she was frantically searching for a way to preserve her modesty, Maddie stuck her head around.
Keeley slumped against the back of the wooden tub. “Oh, ’tis you. I nearly had failure of the heart.”
“I heard you were ailing. I wanted to come up and see if there is anything I can do.”
Keeley smiled, or tried to. The result was her eyes stinging and watering. She sniffed but as soon as the first tear trickled down her cheek, she was done for.
Maddie look horrified and then her features crinkled in sympathy. “Oh lass, whatever is the matter? Now, now, let me get you out of that tub. ’Twill be all right.”
Keeley allowed Maddie to help her from the tub, and then wrapped in a drying linen, she sat in front of the fire while Maddie dried and combed out her hair.
“Now tell me what’s prompted your upset,” Maddie said gently.
“Oh Maddie. I fear I’ve made a huge mistake, but ’tis the truth I don’t regret a minute of it.”
“Would this have something to do with Alaric McCabe?”
Keeley turned her tearful gaze to Maddie. “ ’Tis so obvious? Does everyone know of my shame?”
Maddie enfolded her into her arms. “Shh. None of that.” She rocked back and forth, soothing Keeley with motherly noises.
“I gave myself to him,” Keeley whispered. “He’s to marry another and I went to him anyway. I couldn’t resist any longer.”
“You love him.”
“Aye. I love him.”
Maddie made a sound of sympathy. “ ’Tis no shame in giving yourself to a man you love. But I must know, did he take advantage of you, lass?”
