To love is to admire with the heart:

to admire is to love with the mind.

Theophile Gautier

 
 
 
 
 
Tác giả: Nicholas Sparks
Thể loại: Tiểu Thuyết
Biên tập: Yen
Language: English
Số chương: 23
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Cập nhật: 2015-01-31 12:29:53 +0700
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Chapter 14
exie blinked, trying to make sure that what she was seeing was real. It couldn’t be him, because he couldn’t be here. The whole idea was so foreign, so unexpected, that she felt as if she were watching the scene through someone else’s eyes.
Jeremy smiled as he set his satchel down. “You know, you really shouldn’t stare like that,” he said. “Men like women who know how to be subtle.”
Lexie continued to watch him. “You,” she replied.
“Me,” he agreed with a nod.
“You’re . . . here.”
“I am here,” he agreed again.
She squinted at him in the waning light, and it occurred to Jeremy that she was even prettier than he remembered.
“What are you . . . ?” She hesitated, trying to make sense of his appearance. “I mean, how did you . . . ?”
“It’s kind of a long story,” he admitted. When she made no move toward him, he nodded at the lighthouse. “And this is the lighthouse where your parents were married?”
“You remembered that?”
“I remember everything,” he said, tapping his temple. “Little gray cells and all that. Where exactly were they married?”
He spoke casually, as if this were the most ordinary of conversations, which only made everything feel even more surreal to her.
“Over there,” she said, pointing. “On the ocean side, near the waterline.”
“It must have been beautiful,” he said, gazing in that direction. “This whole place is beautiful. I can see why you love it here.”
Instead of responding, Lexie took a long breath, trying to settle her turbulent emotions. “What are you doing here, Jeremy?”
It was a moment before he answered. “I wasn’t sure you were coming back,” he said. “And I realized that if I wanted to see you again, the best option was to come to you.”
“But why?”
Jeremy continued staring toward the lighthouse. “It felt like I didn’t have a choice.”
“I’m not sure what that means,” she said.
Jeremy studied his feet, then looked up and smiled as if in apology. “To be honest, I’ve spent most of the day trying to figure it out, too.”
As they stood near the lighthouse, the sun began to sink below the horizon, turning the sky a forbidding gray. The breeze, damp and cold, skimmed the surface of the sand, whipping up foam at the water’s edge.
In the distance, a figure in a dark heavy jacket was feeding the seagulls, tossing scraps of bread into the air. As Lexie watched him, she could feel the shock of Jeremy’s appearance beginning to wear off. Part of her wanted to be angry that he’d ignored her desire to be alone, and yet another part, the greater part, was flattered that he’d come to find her. Avery had never bothered to come after her, nor had Mr. Renaissance. Even Rodney would never have thought of coming here, and until a few minutes ago, if someone had suggested that Jeremy would do such a thing, she would have laughed at the very notion. But it was beginning to dawn on her that Jeremy was different from anyone she’d met before, and that she shouldn’t be surprised by anything he did.
The horses in the distance had begun to wander off, nibbling here and there as they moved back over the dune. The coastal mist was rolling in, merging sea and sky. Terns bobbed at the sand near the water’s edge, their long strawlike legs moving quickly as they searched for tiny crustaceans.
In the silence, Jeremy cupped his hands and blew into them, trying to stop them from aching. “Are you angry that I came?” he finally asked.
“No,” she admitted. “Surprised, but not angry.”
He smiled, and she returned it with a flicker of her own.
“How did you get here?” she asked.
He motioned over his shoulder toward Buxton. “I got a ride from a couple of fishermen who were heading this way,” he said. “They dropped me off at the marina.”
“They gave you a ride just like that?”
“Just like that.”
“You were lucky. Most fishermen are pretty tough characters.”
“That may be true, but people are people,” he said. “While I’m not an expert in psychology, I’m of the opinion that anyone—even strangers—can sense the urgency of a request, and most people will usually do the right thing.” He stood straighter, clearing his throat. “But when that didn’t work, I offered to pay them.”
She giggled at his admission.
“Let me guess,” she said. “They took you to the cleaners, didn’t they?”
He gave a sheepish shrug. “I suppose that depends on the perspective. It did seem like a lot of money for a boat ride.”
“Naturally. That’s quite a trip. Just the gas alone would have been expensive. And then there’s the wear and tear on the boat . . .”
“They mentioned that.”
“And, of course, their time and the fact that they’ll be working tomorrow before dawn.”
“They mentioned that, too.”
In the distance, the last of the horses vanished over the dune. “But you came, anyway.”
He nodded, as amazed as she was. “But they did make sure I understood it was a one-way trip. They didn’t intend to wait for me, so I guess I’m stuck here.”
She raised an eyebrow. “Oh, really? How did you plan on getting back?”
He gave an impish grin. “Well, I happen to know someone who’s staying out here, and I was planning on using my dazzling charm to convince her to give me a ride back home.”
“And what if I’m not leaving for a while? Or if I just said you’re on your own?”
“I didn’t figure that part out yet.”
“And where did you intend to stay while you were out here?”
“I haven’t figured that part out yet, either.”
“At least you’re honest about it,” she said, smiling. “But tell me, what would you have done if I wasn’t here?”
“Where else would you have gone?”
She glanced away, liking the fact that he’d remembered this about her. In the distance, she saw the lights of a shrimp trawler moving so slowly it almost seemed stationary.
“Are you hungry?” she asked.
“I’m starved. I haven’t eaten anything all day.”
“Would you like to have dinner?”
“Do you know a nice place?”
“I have a pretty good place in mind.”
“Do they take credit cards?” he asked. “I used all my cash to get here.”
“I’m sure,” she said, “that we’ll be able to work something out.”
o O o
Turning from the lighthouse, they made their way back down the beach, walking along the compact sand near the water’s edge. There was a space between them that neither seemed willing to cross. Instead, with their noses turning red in the chill, they moved steadily forward, as if pulled toward the place that both were meant to be.
In the silence, Jeremy mentally replayed his journey here, feeling a pang of guilt about Nate and Alvin. He’d missed the conference call—there had been no reception at all as he was crossing the Pamlico Sound—and figured that he should probably call from the landline as soon as he was able, though he wasn’t looking forward to it. Nate, he suspected, had been revving up for hours and was waiting for Jeremy’s call so he could finally go ballistic, but Jeremy planned to suggest a meeting with the producers next week, complete with the footage and the outlines of the story, an idea that he suspected had been the whole point of the call, anyway. If that wasn’t enough to appease them, if missing a single call could end his career before it started, then he wasn’t sure he wanted to work in television.
And Alvin . . . well, that was a little easier. There was no way Jeremy could get back to Boone Creek to meet Alvin tonight— he’d come to that realization by the time the boat had dropped him off—but Alvin had a cell phone, and he’d explain what was going on. Alvin wouldn’t be happy about having to work alone tonight, but he’d recover by tomorrow. Alvin was one of those rare people who never let anything bother them for more than a day.
Yet, being honest with himself, Jeremy admitted that he didn’t really care about any of that now. Instead, all that seemed to matter was that he was walking with Lexie on a quiet beach in the middle of nowhere and that as they trudged into the salty breeze, she quietly looped her arm through his.
o O o
Lexie led the way up the warped wooden steps of the old bugalow and hung her jacket on the rack beside the door. Jeremy hung his as well, along with his satchel. As she walked ahead of him through the living room, Jeremy watched her, thinking again that she was beautiful.
“Do you like pasta?” she asked, breaking into his thoughts.
“Are you kidding? I grew up on pasta. My mother happens to be Italian.”
“Good,” she said. “Because that’s what I planned on making.”
“We’re eating here?”
“I guess we have to,” she said over her shoulder. “You’re out of cash, remember?”
The kitchen was small, with fading yellow paint, flowery wallpaper that was peeling in the corners, scuffed cabinets, and a small painted table set beneath the window. On the counters were the groceries she’d picked up earlier. Reaching into the first bag, she pulled out a box of Cheerios and a loaf of bread. From his spot near the sink, Jeremy saw a flash of her skin when she stood on her toes to put them in the cupboard.
“Do you need a hand?” he asked.
“No, I’ve got it, thanks,” she said, turning around. After straightening her shirt, she reached into another bag and set two onions off to the side, along with two large cans of San Marzano tomatoes. “But while I’m doing this, do you want something to drink? I have a six-pack of beer in the refrigerator if you’re interested.”
He widened his eyes, feigning shock. “You have beer? I thought you didn’t drink much.”
“I don’t.”
“For someone who doesn’t drink, though, a six-pack can do a lot of damage.” He shook his head before going on. “If I didn’t know you better, I’d think you were planning to go on a bender this weekend.”
She shot him a withering look, but, like yesterday, there was something playful in it. “It’s more than enough to get me through the month, thank you very much. Now, would you like one or not?”
He smiled, relieved at their familiar exchange. “I’d love one, thanks.”
“Would you mind getting it, though? I’ve got to get the sauce going.”
Jeremy moved to the refrigerator and pulled two bottles of Coors Light from the six-pack. He twisted one cap off and then the other before setting a bottle before her. When she saw it, he shrugged. “I hate to drink alone,” he said.
He raised his bottle in toast and she lifted hers as well. They clinked bottles without a word. Leaning against the counter beside her, he crossed one leg over the other. “Just to let you know, I’m pretty good at chopping if you need help.”
“I’ll keep that in mind,” she said.
He smiled. “How long has your family owned this place?”
“My grandparents bought it right after World War II. Back then, there wasn’t even a road on the island. You had to drive across the sand to get here. There are some pictures in the living room of how this place looked back then.”
“Would you mind if I took a look?”
“Go ahead. I’m still getting things ready. There’s a bathroom down the hall if you want to wash up before dinner. In the guest bedroom on the right.”
Moving to the living room, Jeremy examined the pictures of rustic shore life, then noticed Lexie’s suitcase near the couch. After debating for an instant, he grabbed it and headed down the hall. On the left, he saw an airy room with a large pedestal bed topped by a seashell-patterned comforter. The walls were decorated with additional photos portraying the Outer Banks. Assuming this was her room, he set her suitcase just inside the door.
Crossing the hall, he entered the other room. It was nautical in theme, and the navy curtains provided a nice contrast to the wooden end tables and dresser. As he slipped off his shoes and socks at the foot of the bed, he wondered what it would be like to sleep in here while knowing Lexie was alone across the hall.
At the bathroom sink, he peeked at himself in the mirror and used his hands in an attempt to get a semblance of control over his hair again. His skin was coated with a thin layer of salt, and after washing his hands, he splashed water on his face as well. Feeling somewhat better, he went back to the kitchen and heard the melancholy notes of the Beatles’ “Yesterday” coming from a small radio on the windowsill.
“Ready for some help yet?” he asked. Beside her, he saw a medium-size salad bowl; in it were small chunks of tomatoes and olives.
While rinsing the lettuce, Lexie nodded toward the onions. “I’m almost done with the salad, but would you mind taking the skin off those?”
“Sure. Do you need me to dice them, too?”
“No, that’s okay. Just take off the skins. The knife is in the drawer there.”
Jeremy pulled out a steak knife, and reached for the onions on the counter. For a moment, they worked without speaking, listening to the music. As she finished with the lettuce and set it off to the side, Lexie tried to ignore how close they were standing together. But from the corner of her eye, she couldn’t help admiring Jeremy’s casual grace, along with the plane of his hips and legs, the broad shoulders, the high cheekbones.
Jeremy held up a bald onion, oblivious to what she’d been thinking. “Like this?”
“Just like that,” she said.
“Are you sure you don’t want me to dice it?”
“No. If you do, you’ll ruin the sauce, and I’ll never forgive you.”
“Everyone dices the onions. My Italian mother dices the onions.”
“Not me.”
“So you’re just going to put these big round onions in the sauce?”
“No. I’ll cut them in half first.”
“Can I at least do that?”
“No, thanks. I’d hate to put you out.” She smiled. “And besides, I’m the cook, remember? You just watch and learn. Right now think of yourself as . . . the prep boy.”
He glanced at her. Since they’d come in from the cold, the rosiness in her cheeks had faded, leaving her skin with a fresh, natural glow.
“The prep boy?”
She shrugged. “What can I say? Your mom might have been Italian, but I grew up with a grandmother who tried just about every recipe out there.”
“And that makes you an expert?”
“No, but it made Doris one, and for a long time, I was the prep girl. I learned through osmosis and now it’s your turn.”
He reached for the second onion. “Tell me, then, what’s so special about your recipe? Aside from having onions the size of baseballs, I mean.”
She took the skinned onion and sliced it in half. “Well, since your mother was Italian, I’m sure you’ve heard of San Marzano tomatoes.”
“Of course,” he said. “They’re tomatoes. From San Marzano.”
“Ha, ha,” she said. “Actually, they’re the sweetest and most flavorful of all tomatoes, especially in sauces. Now, watch and learn.”
She pulled out a pot from beneath the stove and set it off to the side, then turned on the gas and lit the fumes under the burner. The blue flame whooshed to life, and she set the empty pot on top of it.
“I’m impressed so far,” he said, finishing the second onion and setting it aside. He picked up his beer and leaned against the counter again. “You should get your own cooking show.”
Ignoring him, she poured both cans of tomatoes into the pot, then added a whole stick of butter to the sauce. Jeremy peeked over her shoulder, watching as the butter began to melt.
“Looks healthy,” he said. “My doctor always told me I needed extra cholesterol in my diet.”
“Did you know you have a tendency toward sarcasm?”
“I’ve heard that,” he said, raising his bottle. “But thanks for noticing.”
“Are you done with the other onion yet?”
“I am the prep boy, aren’t I?” he said, handing it over.
She split that one as well before adding all four halves to the sauce. Stirring for a moment with a long wooden spoon, she let it come to a boil, then set the heat on low.
“Okay, then,” she said, satisfied, returning to the sink, “we’re done for now. It’ll be ready in an hour and a half.”
As she washed her hands, Jeremy peeked into the saucepan, frowning. “That’s it? No garlic? No salt and pepper? No sausage? No meatballs?”
She shook her head. “Three ingredients only. Of course, we’ll pour it over linguine and top it with some fresh-grated Parmesan cheese.”
“This isn’t very Italian.”
“Actually, it is. It’s the way they’ve made it in San Marzano for hundreds of years. That’s in Italy, by the way.” She turned the faucet off, shook her hands over the sink, and dried them on a dish towel. “But since we’ve got some time, I’m going to clean up before dinner,” she said. “Which means you’ll be on your own for a bit.”
“Don’t worry about me. I’ll figure out something.”
“If you’d like, you can take a shower,” she said. “I’ll set some towels out for you.”
Still feeling the salt on his neck and arms, it took only an instant for him to agree. “Thanks. That would be great.”
“Give me just a minute to set things up for you, okay?”
She smiled and grabbed her beer as she squeezed past him, feeling his eyes on her hips. She wondered whether he was feeling as self-conscious as she was.
At the end of the hall, she opened the closet door, grabbed a couple of towels, and put them on his bed. Beneath the sink in his bathroom were asssorted shampoos and a new bar of soap, and she set those out as well. As she did, she caught a reflection of herself in the mirror and had the sudden image of Jeremy wrapped in a towel after showering. The image made something jump inside. She drew a long breath, feeling like a teenager again.
“Hello?” she heard him call. “Where are you?”
“I’m in the bathroom,” she answered, amazed by how calm her voice sounded. “Just making sure you have everything you need.”
He came up behind her. “You wouldn’t happen to have a disposable razor in any of those drawers, would you?”
“No, sorry,” she said. “I’ll look in my bathroom, too, but . . .”
“No big deal,” he said, running his hand over his whiskers. “I’ll just go with the scruffy look tonight.”
Scruffy would be just fine, she decided, feeling herself blush. Turning away so he wouldn’t notice, she motioned to the shampoos. “Use whichever one you want,” she said. “And keep in mind that it takes a while for the hot water to come out, so just be patient.”
“Will do,” he said. “But I did want to ask if it’s okay to use your phone. I have to make a couple of calls.”
She nodded. “The phone’s in the kitchen.”
Edging past him, she sensed him watching her again, though she didn’t turn around to check. Instead, she went to her room, closed the door behind her, and leaned against it, embarrassed at the foolish way she’d been feeling. Nothing had happened, nothing would happen, she told herself again. She locked the door, hoping it would be enough to block out her thoughts. And it worked, at least for a moment, until she noticed that he’d placed her suitcase in her room.
Knowing that he’d been in here moments before gave her such a rush of forbidden anticipation that, even though she willed her mind blank, she had to admit that she’d been lying to herself all along.
By the time Jeremy returned to the kitchen after his shower, he could smell the sauce as it simmered on the stove. He finished his beer, found the garbage can below the sink, and threw the bottle away, then got another from the fridge. On the shelf below, he saw a fresh block of Parmesan cheese and an unopened jar of Amfiso olives; he debated sneaking one before deciding against it.
Locating the phone, he dialed Nate’s office number and was put through immediately. For the first twenty seconds, he held the receiver away from his ear while Nate went off the deep end, but when he finally calmed down, he reacted positively to Jeremy’s suggestion about the meeting next week. Jeremy ended the call with a promise to talk to him again tomorrow morning.
Alvin, on the other hand, was impossible to reach. After dialing the number and getting his voice mail, Jeremy waited for a minute and tried again with the same result. The clock in the kitchen showed that it was almost six, and Jeremy figured that Alvin was somewhere on the highway. Hopefully, they’d have a chance to talk before he went out tonight.
With nothing else to do and Lexie still nowhere in sight, Jeremy slipped out the back door and stood on the porch. The chill had deepened. The ever-increasing wind was cold and sharp, and though he couldn’t see the ocean, the waves rolled continuously, the sound rhythmic, lulling him into an almost trancelike state.
In time, he headed back into the darkened living room. Peeking down the hall, he noted a sliver of light beneath Lexie’s closed door. Unsure of what to do next, he turned on a small reading lamp near the fireplace. With just enough light to spill shadows through the room, he perused the books that had been stacked on top of the mantel before remembering the satchel. In his haste to get here, he hadn’t looked at Doris’s notebook yet, and after pulling it out of the satchel, he carried it with him back to the easy chair. As he took his seat, he felt the tension in his shoulders begin to ease for the first time in hours.
Now, this, he thought, was nice. No, change that. This felt like the way things always should be.
Earlier, as she heard Jeremy close the door to his room, Lexie stood near the window and took a pull of her beer, glad she had something to calm her nerves.
Both of them had kept their kitchen conversation superficial, keeping their distance until things were sorted out. She knew she should stay the course when she headed back out there, but as she set her beer aside, she realized that she didn’t want to keep her distance. Not anymore.
Despite the knowledge of the risks, everything about him had drawn her closer—the surprise at seeing him walking toward her on the beach, his easy smile and tousled hair, the nervous, boylike gaze—and in that instant, he’d been both the man she knew and the man she didn’t. Though she hadn’t admitted it to herself then, she realized now that she wanted to know the part of him he’d kept hidden from her, whatever that might be and wherever it might lead.
Two days ago, she would never have imagined something like this was possible, especially with a man she barely knew. She’d been hurt before, and she realized now that she’d reacted to the hurt by retreating into the safety of solitude. But a risk-free life wasn’t much of a life, really, and if she was going to change, she might as well start now.
After showering, she sat on the edge of the bed as she unzipped the top pocket of her suitcase and retrieved a bottle of lotion. She applied some to her legs and arms, smoothing it over her breasts and belly, relishing the vibrant way it made her skin feel.
She hadn’t brought anything fancy to wear; in her rush to get out in the morning, she’d grabbed the first things she could find, and she sorted through the suitcase until she found her favorite pair of jeans. Deeply faded, they were ripped at the knees and the cuffs were frayed. But the endless washing had softened and thinned the denim, and she was aware of how they accentuated her figure. She felt a secret thrill at her certainty that Jeremy would notice.
She slipped into a long-sleeved white shirt, which she didn’t bother to tuck in, and rolled the sleeves up to her elbows. Standing in front of the mirror, she buttoned the front, stopping one button lower than she normally would, revealing the briefest glimpse of her cleavage.
She dried her hair with a blow-dryer and ran a brush through it. For makeup, she did the best with what she had, applying a touch of blush to her cheeks, eyeliner, and lipstick. She wished she had some perfume, but there wasn’t anything she could do about that now.
When she was ready, she tugged at her shirt in the mirror in an attempt to make it look just right, pleased with how she looked. Smiling, she tried to remember the last time looking good had really mattered to her.
Jeremy was sitting in the chair with his feet propped up when she came into the room. He looked up at her, and for a moment, it seemed as if he wanted to say something, but no words came out. Instead, he just stared.
Unable to look away from Lexie, he suddenly knew why it had been so important to find her again. He’d had no choice, for he knew then that he was in love with her.
“You look . . . incredible,” he finally whispered.
“Thank you,” she said, hearing the raw emotion in his voice and reveling in the way it made her feel. Their eyes met and held, and in that instant, she understood that the message in his gaze was mirroring her own.
True Believer True Believer - Nicholas Sparks True Believer