My Mom
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My mom loves Valium and lots of drugs
That's why I am like I am 'cause I'm like her
Because my mom loved Valium and lots of drugs
That's why I'm on what I'm on 'cause I'm my mom
My mom, my mom,
I know you're probably tired of hearing 'bout my mom
Oho whoa-ho,
But this is just a story of when I was just a shorty
And how I became hooked on val-i-um.
Valium was in everything, food that I ate
The water that I drank
****ing peas in my plate
She sprinkled just enough of it to season my steak
So everyday I have at least three stomach aches
Now tell me what kind of mother would want to see her
Son grow up to be an under-a-****ing-chiever
My teacher didn't think I was going to be nothing either
What the **** you stickin' gum up under the ****in' seat for?
Misses Mathers your son has been huffin' ether
Either that or the mother ****er's been puffin' reefer
But all this huffin' and puffin' wasn't what it was either
It was neither,
I was buzzin' but it wasn't what she thought
Pee in a tea-cup? ***** you ain't my keeper
I'm sleepin'
What the **** you keep on ****in' with me for?
Slut you need to leave me the **** alone
I ain't playin' go find you a white crayon
And color a ****in' zebra
My mom loved Valium and lots of drugs
That's why I am like I am 'cause I'm like her
Because my mom loved Valium and lots of drugs
That's why I'm on what I'm on 'cause I'm my mom
Wait a minute, this ain't dinner, this is paint thinner
You ate it yesterday I ain't hear no complaints did I?
Now here's a plate full of painkillers
Now just wait til I crush the Valium and put it in your potatoes
Ya little mother ****er,
I'll make ya sit there
And make that retarded ****in' face without even tastin' it
You better lick the ****in' plate, you ain't wastin' it
Put ya face in it before I throw you in the basement again
And I ain't givin' in you're gonna
Just sit there in one ****in' place spinnin' in
Until next Thanksgiving'
And if you still ain't finished it I'll use the same **** again
Then when I make spinach dip it'll be placed in the ****
You little **** you want to sit there and play innocent
A rack fell and hit me at K-Mart and they witnessed it
Child support, your father he ain't sent the ****
And so what if he did? it's none of your dang business kid.
My mom, there's no one else quite like my mom
I know I should let bygones be bygones
But she's the reason why I am high on what I'm high on
My mom loved Valium and lots of drugs
That's why I am like I am 'cause I'm like her
Because my mom loved Valium and lots of drugs
That's why I'm on what I'm on 'cause I'm my mom
My mom loved Valium now all I am is a party-animal
I am what I am but I'm strong to be finished with me Valium spinach
But my buzz only lasts about two minutes
But I don't want to swallow it without chewing it
I can't even write a rhyme without doin' it
My Valium, my Valium
Man I never thought that I could ever be a drug addict
Nah **** that, I can't have it happen to me
But that's actually what has ended up happenin'
A tragedy from ****ing passin it up got to me
And it's probably were I got acquainted with the taste ain't it
Pharmaceuticals are the bomb mom beautiful
She killed the ****ing dog with the medicine she done fed it
Feed it a ****ing Aspirin and say that it has a headache
Here, want a snack?
You hungry you ****ing brat?
Look at that, it's a Xanax.
Take it and take a nap, eat it,
But I don't need it.
Then **** it then break it up
Take a little piece and beat it before you wake Nathan up
Alright ma, you win I don't feel like arguin'
I'll do it, pop it gobble it and start wobblin'
Stumble hobble tumble slip drip
Then I fall in bed with a bottle of meds
And a Heath Ledger bobblehead
My mom loved Valium and lots of drugs
That's why I am like I am 'cause I'm like her
Because my mom loved Valium and lots of drugs
That's why I'm on what I'm on 'cause I'm my mom