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Chapter 10
fter a night of being held in Marcus's arms the bed seemed strangely empty without him. Olivia came awake slowly, reluctantly, knowing she was alone in the narrow bed, missing the warm roughness of Marcus's legs entwined with hers, the soft movement of his chest as he breathed beneath her.
Marcus had gone, but the feel of his lovemaking lingered on in the lethargy of her body, her still sensitive skin. They had slept for a long time after their first ecstatic lovemaking, Olivia revelling in the dizzying pleasure of being in his arms. Then towards dawn she had woken to the sure caress of gentle hands on her body, groaning her eagerness as he would have moved away from her, kissing him deeply even in her half-asleep state. The second time Marcus made love to her he had been even more gentle, conscious of her tender flesh, the slow even thrusts of his body quickly sending them both into spasms of delight.
She knew that she well and truly belonged to him now, that during the all-too-short hours of the night he had become an even more important part of her life—and she hadn't believed that was possible. But she had no idea how Marcus really felt about her, whether she had just been a female body to him, or if she meant something more to him. Their murmured words had only been ones of appreciation, of pleasure, and the word love definitely hadn't been mentioned by either of them.
But she didn't care! She had wanted to belong to Marcus, now had that memory of him to cherish for ever. Even if she never saw him again she could never forget him.
She surfaced above the tangled sheets as a knock sounded on the door, blinking the sleep from her fogged brain as Sally bounced into the room.
The young girl looked in astonishment at the bedraggled bedclothes, her brows rising even more as she saw Olivia make a grab for her nightgown off the floor. 'Had a bad night?' she frowned.
Hot colour flooded Olivia's cheeks, knowing the evidence was very damning. Oh well, Sally was far from being a child any more. 'No, as a matter of fact I've had a very good night,' she answered coolly, sitting up to pull her nightgown on over her head, before getting out of bed to brush the knots from her hair.
'Olivia?'
'Have you seen your father this morning?' She refused to meet the question in Sally's eyes.
'Yes,' she grimaced. 'He's snapping and snarling at everyone,' she explained.
Olivia's hand shook slightly as she returned the hairbrush to the dressing-table.
'Simon is with him at the moment,' Sally continued lightly.
It was still early, only nine-thirty. 'Is he feeling ill?' Could last night have been too much for him?
The younger girl shrugged. 'Don't ask me, Daddy never tell me anything.'
'And Simon?'
'He just quotes professional etiquette at me,' Sally sighed.
Olivia chewed on her bottom lip, sure that something must be wrong for Marcus to have called Simon out this early. 'Your father is—all right?'
'He looks a little tired,' Sally told her pointedly. 'But otherwise, yes. Are you still leaving this morning?'
'Unless your father has changed his mind—and I don't think he has.' Olivia sat down heavily on the bedroom chair, aware that she too had hoped last night had altered things between herself and Marcus. It seemed it hadn't.
'Olivia…?'
'Yes?' She forced herself to meet questioning grey eyes, and then wished she hadn't as she was instantly aware of Sally's likeness to her father.
'Daddy spent the night in here last night, didn't he?' Sally seemed reluctant to pry with the question, although her mutinous expression demanded an answer, a truthful one.
Olivia swallowed hard, moistening her lips with' the tip of her tongue, lips that still tingled from the often fierce pleasure of Marcus's. She lingered over the taste of him there, then looked up to find Sally watching her compassionately. 'It would be useless to deny it, wouldn't it?' she smiled shakily.
'Why should you want to?'
'I don't—particularly. Although I do want you to know that what your grandmother said wasn't true. Your father and I have not been having an affair all the time I've been here, last night was—well, it was an impulsive thing, something that had never happened before. And going to bed with someone doesn't necessarily solve any problems,' she sighed. 'Men feel differently about these things from women, and—'
'I know all about that,' the girl dismissed with some of her father's impatient arrogance. 'But I hope you aren't trying to tell me that my father spent the night with you, made love with you, and that it meant nothing to him. I don't believe that!'
'Sally—'
'Daddy felt very strongly about you six years ago, I don't think that's changed.'
Olivia sighed at Sally's stubborn tone, knowing it must be difficult for her to accept that her father was as human as other men. 'He doesn't even remember me, Sally.' She thought of the times he had talked about her from his subconscious. 'Well, not consciously, anyway.'
'I'm not sure I believe that either.' Sally shook her head.
'Whether you believe it or not won't change the fact that I'm leaving this morning.'
'We'll see about that!' Sally told her determinedly, walking to the door. 'I'm going to talk to Daddy about it.'
Olivia made no effort to stop her leaving, knowing that once she heard the truth from Marcus Sally would have to believe it. She didn't even care if Marcus was angry with her for telling Sally about their night together—it had happened, nothing could ever change that.
She dressed in close-fitting black trousers and a bottle green vest-top, putting the finishing touches to her packing when her bedroom door was flung open without warning. Expecting an angry Marcus, she was surprised to see Sybil Carr standing there, her narrow-eyed gaze raking over her with arrogant disdain.
'So you really are leaving, Miss King.' She came further into the room. 'Realising for a second time that you have no part in Marcus's life?'
Olivia stiffened at the insulting tone, straightening to look at the other woman unflinchingly. 'Marcus no longer needs a nurse, no.'
'Or a mistress!' Sybil scorned.
'Mrs Carr—'
'Marcus tired of you even quicker than last time, didn't he?' Sybil mocked, the blue eyes hard. 'He tired of Ruth in the same way,' she added angrily.
'The first or second time?' asked Olivia wearily, tired of the emotional scenes she had to face in this house. Perhaps she would be glad to get away after all.
'What second—Oh, you mean the reconciliation!' Sybil gave a hard laugh. 'Have you been sharing Marcus's bed all these weeks and not yet realised there was no reconciliation?'
Olivia felt as if she must have swayed, and reached blindly behind her for the bedroom chair, badly shaken. 'But you told me—You said on the telephone—' She was having difficulty articulating through her suddenly parched lips. 'That night I called the house to speak to Marcus you told me he and your daughter were back together, that they were getting ready to go out.'
Sybil sighed. 'I don't suppose what I tell you now is going to do any harm, even if you run and tell Marcus it won't change anything. Your explanation is six years too late, and Marcus isn't the most forgiving of men. I told you that night what you expected to hear. You didn't even want to talk to Marcus when I offered to call him,' she scorned sneeringly.
'But Ruth was there,' Olivia said dazedly. 'I saw her!'
'Possibly,' Sybil nodded distantly. 'Sally was involved in an accident, she was knocked over on her way home from school., Ruth came back from France to be with her.'
'Not—not with Marcus?'
'No,' the other woman gave a mirthless laugh. 'I knew the moment he introduced you to me that he was serious about you.' Her eyes glittered her dislike. 'A little nobody like you going to take my daughter's place!' She shook her head. 'I couldn't have that.'
Olivia felt sick, hardly able to think straight. 'Then you never told Marcus I'd telephoned?'
'Oh, I told him,' Sybil gave an unpleasant smile. 'I told him what he expected to hear too—that you'd realised he was too old for you, that you couldn't cope with the fact that he already had a wife and young child, that you didn't have the courage to tell him yourself, that you never wanted to see him again.'
Olivia's eyes were huge in her pale face, knowing that both she and Marcus had played into this woman's hands perfectly. 'He believed you?' she choked.
'Why not?' Sybil shrugged. 'You believed me when I told you he and Ruth were back together. God, you were such a naive child, running away like you did. Apparently by the time Sally had convalesced enough to return to school you'd left the hospital, had requested a transfer. Marcus needed no further confirmation that it was over between the two of you.'
'Oh God!' Olivia buried her face in her hands, finally giving in to her shocked tears.
'It was like a nightmare to me the day you came back from the hospital with Sally,' the other woman continued remorselessly. 'But my fears that you and Marcus would realise the truth never materialised. You're no more sure of each other now than you were then!'
'Marcus doesn't even remember me from six years ago,' Olivia cried, living the nightmare of knowing she had been wrong about him all these years, that he had never taken Ruth back.
'I've never forgotten you.' He spoke gruffly from the open doorway, walking across the room to her side, the dark glasses once again shielding his expressive eyes. 'For six years I've believed you never really cared for me, that you—' he broke off, too angry to continue, his eyes glacial as he turned to his mother-in-law. 'I think you need a long holiday, Sybil,' he rasped. 'Far away from me—and Olivia.'
'Marcus—'
'I think you should leave,' he said tautly, unmoved by her shocked paleness.
'But—'
'I'm sure Sally and Simon would be glad to get you a taxi,' he continued hardly. 'I would advise that you leave it at least a year before even thinking of coming near me again.'
'But where will I go?' she gasped.
'I hope to the hell you've made me suffer for the last six years!' A pulse beat erratically in his clenched jaw.
Olivia watched as the other woman stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind her, before turning dazed green eyes on Marcus. 'You've known it was me all the time?' she groaned.
'Yes,' he nodded, his hands thrust deep into the pockets of his grey trousers, moving away from her now that they were alone, his shoulders rigid. 'But I was blind! Sally came back from a pool party to tell me that she'd seen you again, that you were as beautiful as ever. I was called out to an emergency that evening and all I could think of was you, how beautiful you were, how much I wanted to see you again. I was still thinking of you as I drove home later that evening, needed to see you again so badly I didn't notice the truck until it was too late—'
'It was my fault you crashed!' she realised with a gasp.
'No, my fault,' he corrected deeply, his back rigid as he turned away from her. 'I was filled with self-doubt, desperate to come to you and yet frightened of rejection after all these years, sure you would turn me away. I'm convinced my blindness was my way of evading facing that possibility, a way of telling myself I couldn't come to you. When I regained consciousness after the accident I believed I was hallucinating that you were there, knew you couldn't really be.'
Olivia could only stare at his back, too disturbed to even be able to answer him coherently.
'As the time passed, days, weeks, I knew I must have imagined you were ever there, that I'd wanted you to be so much, had cried out to you that it was you I had always loved and not Ruth, that I had forced you to appear in my mind, and only in my mind. I daren't even mention it to Sally for fear that she would think I was losing my mind.'
Olivia couldn't believe it—Marcus had been calling out for her not to leave him, not Ruth, she had just misunderstood his mumbled pleadings.
'And then you were there again,' he rubbed his nape. 'Taunting me, tormenting me, giving me a reason to live when I didn't want one.'
'Marcus!'
'Wasn't that what Sally told you when she begged you to come and see me?' he jeered. 'That I'd given up, that I wanted to die?'
'She didn't beg me, and I—I wanted to come.'
'Why?' He turned suddenly, seeming to look at her across the room. 'God, the torment the day you arrived here as my nurse and I Brailled you,' he groaned. 'You felt so good, I could have taken you then. Would you have let me? It has to be the truth between us now, Olivia,' he rasped. 'You see, it isn't too late, as Sybil said, it could never be too late for you. I've told you I never forgot you, did you ever forget me?'
Olivia swallowed hard. 'I tried,' she said huskily. 'And sometimes I did manage to put you out of my mind for days at a time. But I could never forget you completely.'
'Why not?' Marcus persisted.
'You were the first man I ever loved—'
'The first?' he rasped harshly.
She looked down at her hands. 'And the last. I loved you six years ago, completely, utterly, and when you said we had to think about our relationship, to talk about it, I believed I would finally be able to tell you how I felt. When you cancelled our date without explanation for the next evening, and then the next day I saw you at the hospital with Ruth—'
'It was at the hospital you saw us?' he frowned.
'Yes,' she admitted heavily. 'You seemed engrossed in each other, happy to be together, and when I telephoned the house Sybil told me you were going out for the evening, that you were back together.'
'Ruth and I were happy together that evening because Sally had been in intensive care since the afternoon before, she'd been on the critical list, and we'd just learnt that she was going to be all right. I wanted to share that happiness with you, to be with you, and then Sybil told me about your call.' His mouth tightened ominously. 'I could have committed murder that night! I thought the best thing to do was to give you time,' he sighed. 'After all, you were very young, and I knew that the existence of Ruth and Sally had bothered you, that the adult love I had for you was perhaps more than you could handle at that time. I took Sally away on a long convalescence to her mother, and when I got back you'd transferred to another hospital. That seemed pretty conclusive as to what you'd decided was best for you.'
'But it wasn't!' She shook her head, groaning at the misunderstandings that had separated them then—that could still separate them? 'I just knew I couldn't go on working in the same hospital as you now that you were back with your wife.'
Marcus gave a deep sigh. 'Why did you agree to come here as my nurse? Was it to torment me, as I thought, to pay me back for once wanting you?'
'No!' she cried, standing up. 'I'm the one who's been in torment having to work with you like this. But you seemed to need me, reacted only to me. Don't you know I would do anything to help you?'
Marcus seemed to stiffen. 'Anything?'
'Yes!'.
'Does that include making love to a blind man?' he rasped.
'No!' she gasped. 'That wasn't to help you, that was for me.'
'Then you did mean what you said last night?'
'What I said?' she repeated uncertainly.
'That you'd never stopped caring for me?' He waited tensely for her reply.
'You were awake?' Her eyes were wide.
'All the time,' he nodded. 'I'd had to tell you to go, how could I possibly sleep? And then when you came to my room, touched me, said the things you did, I knew I couldn't let you go without making love to you.'
Delicate colour heated her cheeks. 'Then you must know it's the truth,' she choked.
'Why were you a virgin, Olivia?' he persisted relentlessly.
She turned away, her breathing ragged. 'I told you, I never wanted another man.'
'And I never wanted another woman, not since the first day I met you. There's been no one else all these years, Olivia.'
She spun round at the softly spoken words, seeing that amazingly all the tension had left him, that he was actually smiling. 'Marcus?' she queried tentatively.
He came towards her with confident strides, talking as he walked. 'I used to torture myself imagining you with other lovers, possibly with a husband, children.' He came to a halt in front of her, their bodies almost touching, their warmth reaching out to each other. 'And then Sally came home and told me that you didn't even have a boy-friend, let alone a husband! I'm afraid she asked Rick for that bit of information,' he smiled down as she gasped. 'I at once began hoping, praying that I could mean something to you again.'
'When I realised I was blind I daren't even acknowledge that I remembered you. Yours is the sort of kind heart that makes sacrifices, and I knew that if you once guessed how much I needed you…' His mouth twisted. 'But I'm afraid you've been a temptation to me ever since you came here, a temptation I couldn't always resist. I'm sorry if I've hurt you with my cruelty, Olivia.'
She forgave him every single second of pain in that moment. 'Tell me—tell me—'
'Yes?' he prompted as she chewed awkwardly on her bottom lip.
She looked up at him fearlessly. 'How did you feel about me six years ago?'
'Haven't I just told you?'
'Not completely, no,' she gave a shaky laugh.
Marcus gave a rueful grimace. 'No, maybe I haven't. Before I do perhaps I should do the explaining about Ruth that should have been made then, then you would never have doubted me. You overheard Sybil yesterday when she accused me of marrying Ruth for the wrong reasons?' He sighed as she nodded confirmation. 'She was right. Ruth was beautiful, an accomplished hostess—and we both married for reasons other than love. She enjoyed being the wife of the brilliant surgeon everyone assured her I was going to be, and I wanted a wife who would complement that position. Unfortunately, no one had told Ruth that it would take me years to reach the top of my field, and I hadn't realised how galling it was going to be to have a wife whose father would buy her anything she asked for. By the time Sally was born we were living almost as strangers. But I loved my daughter very much, and I was determined to keep the family together. I succeeded until Pierre came along.'
'Sally told me about her stepfather.'
Surprise widened his eyes, and then he nodded acceptance of the fact that his daughter had confided in her. 'At first I thought we should try and patch our marriage up, and then I realised that it wasn't a marriage at all but a business arrangement. I realised that the day I went on to a ward to visit one of my patients and a girl with eyes big enough for me to drown in walked straight into my arms!'
'You looked straight through me!' Olivia accused with indignation. 'And I was mortified.'
'I looked into your eyes—very much as I'm doing now—and I fell in love with you.'
'Marcus?' His name came out as a high-pitched squeak, searching the harshness of his face, wishing she could see behind the dark glasses. 'Did you say you could—see me?' She swallowed hard.
'Would it matter to you if I'm still blind?'
'I wouldn't care if you were blind, had six wives and twenty children—I love you, I've always loved you.'
'I think I knew that last night as I made love to you. The moment you gave me your innocence was the moment I realised that you loved me—and it was the moment I began to see again!' he told her exultantly. 'I thought you would have forgotten me the last years, pushed what we had to the back of your mind, and then there you were giving me the innocence I had wanted six years ago! Something inside me snapped with the joy I felt at that moment, the restraint was all gone, and I looked down and I could—I could suddenly see you, your beauty, your fire.'
'Why didn't you tell me?' She touched his cheek wonderingly, now knowing the reason for the dark glasses. The stark daylight was too glaring for his sensitive sight.
'I had other things on my mind at the time,' he teased softly. 'No,' he sobered, 'that wasn't it, although God knows at the time nothing was more important to me than loving you. I had to be sure, darling, that the return of my sight wasn't just temporary. No matter how much I love you, how much I've always loved you, I couldn't inflict you with a blind husband.'
'You wouldn't have been inflicting—Husband?' she repeated incredulously.
Marcus gently framed her face with loving hands. 'My darling, will you marry me?'
'I ought to be angry with you, not marry you!' She glared up at him. 'How dare you insult me by thinking I would go to bed with you, want to marry you, out of pity?'
'I couldn't offer you less than you deserve, Olivia,' he told her throatily.
'But it didn't matter to me!'
'It mattered to me,' he said quietly.
Olivia frowned. 'Are you saying that if you were still blind you would have let me leave here today, even though you love me?'
'I don't know,' he told her truthfully. 'You see, until I overheard Sybil and the lies she once told us I believed you had walked out on me six years ago. If I were still blind, and had learnt the truth, I have no idea what my reaction would have been. Give me the benefit of the doubt, hm?' he chided softly.
She looked up at him with love in her eyes, realising how close they had come to losing each other again, and she put her arms about his waist to rest her head on his chest. 'You can see again, will be completely well again—that's all that matters.' She spoke into the silk of his shirt.
'And are you going to marry me?'
'I'll think about it.'
'Six years wasn't long enough?' he joined in her light teasing.
Her arms tightened about him. 'I think I knew I loved you the moment I accidentally turned into your arms too, darling.' Her head went back as she gave him a dazzling smile. 'Yes, I'll marry you.' She and Marcus had the same everlasting love the Batesons had once shared, they both knew it and would cherish it.
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