e were up at four thirty this morning,’ he panted, beads of sweat trickling down the sides of his face and getting lost in his suntanned stubble-lined jaw. ‘The trail from the hostel to Machu Picchu has taken about one and a half hours. We were told to wake up that early so that we could leave Wiñay Wayna by five thirty to get to Machu Picchu before sunrise.’ He was wearing a navy blue T-shirt, the sleeves were tight around his biceps, sweat marks were on his chest, on his back, under his arms. He wore beige combat shorts and walking boots, his legs were tanned and muscular like the rest of his body. There was a long shot of him walking the trail and I paused the TV.

Mr Pan jumped onto the couch beside me. ‘Hi, Mary.’

He purred.

‘He’s doing the Inca Trail today. We were supposed to do that one together. Let’s see who else he’s doing it with now …’ I studied the girls in the long shot. She wasn’t there. I pressed play again.

‘As you can see the trail contours around this mountainside and drops into cloud forest before coming to an almost vertical flight of fifty steps leading up to the final pass at Intipunku, which means Sun Gate.’ Lots of shots of him panting, shots of scenery, close-ups on him, his walking shoes, his rucksack, the back of his head and the view before him, the reflection in his sunglasses. All of them were new, nothing I’d bought him. ‘And here we are,’ he smiled at the camera, big white perfect teeth. He looked off into the distance, took off his glasses to reveal his beautiful eyes and his face changed. ‘Wow.’

I paused it on his face. Studied him and smiled. Knew that it was for real, that it hadn’t been filmed twenty times already for his best look, knew that he was in heaven right there, right then and in a funny way I felt like I was experiencing it with him. Just like we used to do together, years ago. The camera panned and then I could see what he could see, the whole of Machu Picchu spread out before us.

‘There it is, Machu Picchu in all its glory. A fantastic sight. Beautiful,’ he said, taking it all in. There was a wider shot of him assessing the view. I paused the TV again and studied the girls around him. She wasn’t there. I pressed play again. It cut to later, he had wiped the sweat from his face, had changed his T-shirt to a fresher version of the same one, was sitting down and looked rested, had caught his breath for the final wrap-up scene. He gave his little summary of his journey and then, ‘Remember that happiness is a way of travel, it’s not a destination.’ Then he smiled, those teeth, those eyes, that hair, those arms and hands – I remember them all around me, sleeping beside me, showering with me, cooking for me, touching me, kissing me. Dumping me. ‘Wish you were here,’ he said with a wink, and he was gone and the credits took the place of his face.

‘Me too,’ I whispered. I swallowed a hard dry lump of nothing that had stuck in my throat. Had that awful sick feeling in my stomach, and the pain in my heart that came when the credits finished and it hit me that he was gone. I waited for the initial pain to go and then I paused the credits and searched. Her name was still there. I used my laptop to go on Facebook and check her status. Single.

I was psychotic and I knew it but I also knew that most of the time my paranoia was correct, and that most of the time it wasn’t paranoia, it was gut instinct and most of the time that was correct. But it had been almost three years and they hadn’t, by the looks of it, gotten together. I didn’t even know how present she’d be in his life as a production assistant; I didn’t know how TV shows worked, but when he’d first signed the deal to do the show we went to meet with the team. I’d met her and I got a feeling about her. That was all, one of those girlfriend feelings that you get about other girls. Then when we broke up I got a huge feeling about her, and those feelings had manifested into something so massive it was bordering on obsessive. But I couldn’t help it. Her name was Jenna. Jenna was a bitch. And every time I heard the name Jenna I thought of her and immediately hated the poor unrelated person named Jenna. She was from Australia and I hated everyone from Australia. It was a very weird thing that had taken over me, I didn’t even know her and I’d previously liked Australia, but I’d created this persona around her, this dislike for her and her country and anything, however minuscule, that I knew about her.

Just to taunt myself I imagined them having sex on the top of the mountain as soon as the camera was turned off and I wondered who he’d camped out with all those nights in that tiny little tent, in those close overcrowded little hostels. All of the environments he was in were too close for him to share with another woman, especially Jenna, especially the character that had grown in my mind. She would crawl into his tent in the dead of night and reveal her naked self to him, he would try to fight his urges but he wouldn’t be able to because he was a man and he was all pumped up from the walk up the mountain, and being in touch with nature made him even hornier. Every time I watched an episode, I pictured them together. I didn’t even know what a production assistant did but I Googled it to find out. I didn’t know if she was a set PA or an office PA; a big difference because it either meant she was with him all the time or their paths rarely crossed. Occasionally I looked through the other names on the credits to make sure someone else hadn’t slipped in that could also be sleeping with him on location, but I had investigated them through the power of Google and surmised that Jenna, the bitch from Australia, was the only woman he would go for.

My mobile rang, and took me out of my latest daydream. It was Riley again. Since lunch the previous day I had had nine missed calls from Riley and two from Mum. Silchesters didn’t ignore people, make a drama or cause a fuss, so I had texted them both that I was unavailable to speak and that I’d call them back as soon as I could. It wasn’t a lie. I just didn’t know how to be with them. I couldn’t be angry with them because as concerned family members they were only trying to help, but I couldn’t entertain mindless chit-chat because I was genuinely hurt, flabbergasted even, that they felt I was in such dire need of help that they couldn’t come directly to me to tell me. I had always done my best not to reveal anything about myself to my family, even to Riley. Despite him being my accomplice during family gatherings, he was not my best friend; he was my brother and there were things that brothers didn’t need or want to know.

I ignored the call and as soon as it stopped I immediately sent a polite text about how I was currently out with friends. He texted back straight away.

–Then u left ur tv on cos I’m outside ur door.

I leaped up, Mr Pan did too but he didn’t follow me. His courage always gave out when we got to the bathroom door. He nipped in there to defend me from behind the wash basket.

‘Riley?’ I called through the door.

‘Yes.’

I sighed. ‘You can’t come in.’

‘Okay. Can you come out?’

I unlocked the door, barely opened it so he couldn’t see inside and slid out to him. He tried to look in. I closed the door.

‘Have you got company?’

‘Yes. A hot naked man with a large erection is lying on my bed waiting for me, if you want to come in.’

‘Lucy.’ He had a pained expression.

‘I’m only joking.’

‘So there’s no one there?’

‘No, there is.’ It wasn’t a lie. Mr Pan was waiting for me.

‘Sorry. Is it … you know?’

‘Life? No. I met him in his office earlier today.’

‘Him?’

‘Yeah.’

‘Weird.’

‘Yeah.’

‘How did it go?’

‘Yeah, good. He was nice, just wanted to check in and have a chat, that kind of thing, I probably won’t have to meet him again.’

‘Really?’

‘Don’t sound so surprised,’ I snapped.

‘Okay.’ He shifted his weight to his other foot. ‘So everything’s okay?’

‘Yeah, he was a bit confused as to why he had to meet me at all really.’

‘Really?’

‘Yeah, it’s just like one of those random breath tests only it’s a random life test. They picked me completely at random, unfortunately for me.’

‘Oh. Okay …’

I let the silence hang.

‘Well, I’m here because I found these.’ He took a pair of shoes out from behind his back. ‘I’m checking around the kingdom to see who they fit.’

I smiled.

‘May I?’ He got down on bended knee, lifted my foot, saw I had odd socks on and visibly tried hard not to comment. He removed my sock and slid my foot into the shoe. He looked at me in mock surprise.

‘Now do we live incestuously ever after?’ I asked.

He frowned, then leaned against the door frame and stared at me.

‘What?’

‘Nothing.’

‘What, Riley? You didn’t just come here to give me my shoes.’

‘Nothing,’ he repeated. ‘Just …’ He looked like he was going to say something serious. ‘It’s just that I met someone who used to work with you a few years ago in Quinn and Downing and he just said a few things to me …’ He studied me. I tried to look confused, not fearful as I felt, and he changed tack. ‘Anyway, he was probably wrong.’ He cleared his throat.

‘Who was it?’ I asked coolly.

‘Gavin Lisadel.’ He studied me intensely some more.

I rolled my eyes. ‘The biggest drama queen I’ve ever worked for.’ In truth a perfectly reputable guy. ‘I’ve heard he’s coming out with all kinds of weird stories about me. Don’t worry, whatever it is, it’s a lie. I heard he’s been cheating on his wife with a man for years, so you know …’ He was a happily married family man as far as I knew. I had just destroyed Gavin’s perfect image in less than one minute but I didn’t care, he had destroyed mine too, not that it had ever been perfect and even if he had, he probably wasn’t lying. Then I felt bad about what I’d said so I added quickly, ‘But everyone really likes him and he’s really good at his job.’

Riley nodded, still not convinced but he changed the mood. ‘I still can’t believe you said Father wasn’t the breastfed kind.’ He started laughing, then threw his head back and laughed even louder.

Eventually I joined in. ‘Well? Do you think she’d have bothered? Old wrinkly tits?’

He shook his head, disgusted by the thought.

The door opposite me opened and a friendly apologetic face popped out. ‘Hi, Lucy, I’m really sorry, do you mind keeping it down a little? I’ve just—oh hi,’ she said, noticing Riley.

‘Sorry,’ Riley apologised. ‘I’m just leaving.’

‘No, it’s rude of me to ask, it’s just that I’ve got …’ She pointed her thumb back into the apartment but didn’t say anything. ‘You look so alike. Are you Lucy’s brother?’ she asked, studying him.

‘I am. Riley.’ He reached out his hand and they shook, which was weird because I couldn’t even remember my neighbour’s name; I’d forgotten it the moment we met and it seemed rude as the time went by to ask so I just never addressed her, there was a lot of hey and hi and hello you and I had a strong suspicion it was Ruth but I’d never had the full confidence to go for it.

‘I’m Claire.’

And it was just as well.

‘Hi, Claire.’

Riley was giving her one of his best cute but sweet but strong and masculine, you-can-trust-me, flirtatious looks, which freaked me out but Claire wasn’t completely delusional, she untangled herself from his web of silent promises, and quickly said her goodbyes.

‘Must be losing your touch, Riley.’

He looked at me, serious again.

‘Don’t worry, it happens to us all.’

‘No, not that …’

‘What, Riley?’

‘Nothing.’ He aborted the thought, and made his way to the elevator.

‘Thanks for the shoes,’ I said more gently.

He didn’t turn around, just lifted his arm up in a salute and disappeared into the elevator. Just before I closed my door I heard my neighbour – whose name I’d already forgotten – open her door and quickly say, ‘If you ever want to come in for a coffee or anything, just come straight over. No notice needed, I’m always here.’

‘Oh. Okay.’ It felt awkward. It had been at least a year since I’d met her and apart from the chat in the elevator it was the longest sentence either of us had ever said to one another. She used to never speak when I saw her. Probably spending all that time cooped up inside had made her desperate to talk to anyone, including me.

‘Thanks. Eh … likewise.’ Then I couldn’t think of anything to say so I closed the door.

Only I never wanted her to call over for a coffee and I never wanted Riley to come into the apartment. He’d never been in before, none of my family had. None of my friends had either. It was my space. But it was becoming an eyesore even to me. The carpet had to be cleaned. I would clean it myself without telling the landlord because I didn’t want him checking it and seeing the burns and then charging me for the damage. I searched for where I’d written the company name on the carpet and grabbed the phone and quickly dialled directory enquiries before I changed my mind. I knew something monumental was happening. I was doing something that needed to be done and I felt the burden of it every step of the way. As they connected me and the phone rang, I began to think of hanging up. It wasn’t just the phone call; it was having to follow through that bothered me. I’d have to stay in from work one day, I’d have to wait for some stranger to arrive hours after he’d promised and then I’d have to show him all the personal private stains that I wanted removed. How humiliating. It rang and rang, and then it sounded like it was about to be answered or go to an answer phone when it went through another bout of ringing. I was about to hang up and abort the situation when a man answered.

‘Hello?’

It was noisy. Pub noisy. I had to move the phone away from my ear.

‘Sorry, just be a minute,’ the voice shouted and I wanted to shout back that it was okay, that I’d got the wrong number, partly because I’d changed my mind – I didn’t want the hassle of a stranger in my home – and partly because I was beginning to think I had genuinely been connected to the wrong number. I searched for the business card I’d been given by American Pie to see if it matched the number on my screen. But the phone wasn’t by his ear to hear me explain, it was being rubbed against his body or dozens of other bodies as he made his way to somewhere quieter.

‘Just a minute,’ he shouted again.

‘Actually it’s okay,’ I yelled despite being in a silent room. But he was gone again.

Finally there was silence, I could hear footsteps, then laughter in the distance, then, ‘Hello? Are you still there?’

I fell back on the couch. ‘Yes, hi.’

‘Sorry about that, who’s this?’

‘Em, actually this is going to annoy you seeing all you had to do to get outside but I think I’ve got the wrong number.’

‘After all that,’ he laughed.

‘Yep, sorry.’ I climbed over the back of the couch and was in the kitchen. I looked in the fridge. Nothing to eat as usual.

He went quiet, then I heard a match and he inhaled. ‘Sorry, bad habit. My sister said if I took up smoking I’d meet someone.’

‘I pretend I’m a smoker at work to get more breaks.’ I was surprised I’d said it out loud.

‘What if they find you not smoking?’

‘If someone’s there, then I smoke.’

He laughed. ‘That’s a long way to go for a break.’

‘I’ll do anything for a break.’

‘Like talk to wrong numbers?’

‘Something like that.’

‘Want to tell me your name or does that break the wrong-number code of ethics?’

‘I’ve no problem at all telling a complete stranger my name. It’s Gertrude.’

‘That’s a lovely name, Gertrude.’ I could hear the smile in his voice.

‘Why, thank you.’

‘I’m Giuseppe.’

‘Nice to meet you, Giuseppe. How’s Pinocchio doing?’

‘Ah, you know, telling fibs and bragging about being unattached.’

‘He’s always at it.’ Then I realised that despite it being more comfortable than a phone conversation with my own father, this was weird. ‘Well, I’d better let you get back to the pub.’

‘Actually I’m at an Aslan gig.’

‘I love Aslan.’

‘We’re in Vicar Street, you should come.’

‘Who’s “we”?’

‘Me and Tom.’

‘Well, I would go but Tom and I had a falling-out and it would just be awkward if I showed up.’

‘Even if he apologised?’

‘Believe me, he’ll never apologise.’

‘Tom’s always putting his foot in his mouth, just ignore him. I have a spare ticket, I can leave it for you at the ticket desk.’

His familiarity intrigued me. ‘I could be a toothless married woman with ten kids and an eye patch.’

‘Christ, are you a woman?’

I laughed.

‘So are you coming?’

‘Do you always ask wrong numbers out?’

‘Sometimes.’

‘Do they ever say yes?’

‘Once, and I got a toothless married woman with ten kids and an eye patch.’

‘Have they sung “Down on Me”?’

‘They haven’t started yet. Is that your favourite?’

‘Yep.’ I opened the freezer. Chicken curry or cottage pie. The chicken curry was a week out of date; the cottage pie would be out of date tomorrow. I reached for the chicken curry and stabbed the film with a fork.

‘Have you ever heard them live?’

‘No, but it’s on my list of things to do.’

‘What else is on your list?’

‘Eat dinner.’

‘You aim high, I like it. Want to tell me your real name now?’

‘Nope. Want to tell me yours?’

‘Don.’

‘Don what?’

‘Lockwood.’

My heart did a funny thing. I froze. Mr Pan noticed my mood change and jumped up and looked around for what he needed to defend me against, or hide from.

‘Hello?’ he said. ‘Are you still there?’

‘Did you say Don Lockwood?’ I asked slowly.

‘Yes, why?’

I gasped. ‘Are you joking?’

‘Nope. Born and bred. Actually that’s a lie, they called me Jacinta, then they found out I was a boy. It’s much easier to tell the difference now, I assure you. Why, is this not a wrong number after all?’

I was pacing the kitchen, no longer interested in my chicken curry. I didn’t believe in signs because I couldn’t sign read but it was just an unbelievably exciting coincidence. ‘Don Lockwood … wait for it … is the name of Gene Kelly’s character in Singin’ in the Rain.’

‘I see.’

‘Yes.’

‘And you are a fan of either Gene Kelly and/or of this movie so this is very exciting news to you.’

‘Only the biggest.’ I laughed. ‘Don’t tell me no one’s ever said that to you before.’

‘I can safely say, no one under the age of eighty-five has ever said it to me before.’

‘Not even any of your wrong numbers?’

‘Not even them.’

‘How old are you?’ I asked, suddenly afraid I was having a conversation with a fifteen-year-old and that the police were on their way.

‘I’m thirty-five and three-quarters.’

‘I can’t believe in all of your thirty-five and three-quarters years no one has ever said that to you before.’

‘Because most of the people I meet aren’t one hundred years old like you.’

‘I’m not going to be one hundred for at least two weeks.’

‘Ah. I see. Thirty? Forty? Fifty?’

‘Thirty.’

‘It’s all downhill from there, believe me.’

And he went silent, and I went silent and then it wasn’t natural any more and we were just two strangers on a wrong number who both wanted to hang up.

I got in there first. ‘It was nice talking to you, Don. Thanks for the offer of the ticket.’

‘Bye, toothless married woman,’ he said and we both laughed. I hung up and caught a glimpse of myself in the bathroom mirror and I looked like my mother, just a face full of a smile. It faded fast at the realisation that I’d just spoken to an absolute stranger on the phone. Maybe they were right, maybe I was losing it. I went to bed early and at twelve thirty my phone rang, waking me in fright. I looked at the number flashing and didn’t recognise it, so I ignored it and waited for it to stop so I could go back to sleep. A few seconds later the phone rang again. I answered it, hoping it wasn’t bad news. All I could hear was noise, screams and shouts. I moved it away from my ear, then heard the music, then heard the singing, then recognised the song. He was calling me, Don Lockwood was calling me, so I could hear my favourite song.

‘If you think your life’s a waste of time, if you think your time’s a waste of life, come over to this land, take a look around. Is this a tragic situation, or a massive demonstration, where do we hide?’

I lay back on the bed and listened to the song, then when it was finished, I stayed on the line to speak to him. As soon as the next song started, he hung up.

I smiled. Then texted him.

–Thanks.

He texted back straight away.

–One less thing on your list. Nite.

I stared at those words for a long time then added his number into my phone. Don Lockwood. Just seeing it there made me smile.