Fear keeps us focused on the past or worried about the future. If we can acknowledge our fear, we can realize that right now we are okay. Right now, today, we are still alive, and our bodies are working marvelously. Our eyes can still see the beautiful sky. Our ears can still hear the voices of our loved ones.

Thích Nhất Hạnh

 
 
 
 
 
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Chapter 18
he evening had turned suddenly cool, and a strong wind was blowing down from the hills above Dunoon, ruffling the curtains, making them billow about wildly, and chilling the air in her bedroom.
Paula shivered, rose from the dressing table, and went to close the window.
Once seated again, she picked up her pearl choker, fastened it around her neck, put on the mabé pearl-and-diamond earrings, and then sat back, staring at her reflection in the mirror. Not bad, she thought, for an overworked executive and harassed wife and mother of four who’s knocking thirty-seven.
She turned her head, glanced at the colour photograph on the dressing table. It was of Shane and her with Lorne, Tessa, Patrick and Linnet, taken by Emily on the terrace of Pennistone Royal in the spring. Her heart tightened imperceptibly when she thought of her two youngest children; in their different ways they were both so vulnerable, and they needed her.
They had been in bed and fast asleep when she had phoned Shane earlier that morning. With the difference in time between Australia and England she was actually one day ahead, and it had been almost midnight on Friday when she had reached him at Pennistone Royal. He had just returned from dinner with Winston at Beck House; Emily had already left for Hong Kong, on her buying trip for Genret, and apparently the two best friends had enjoyed a rare bachelor evening together.
It had been wonderful to hear his loving and reassuring voice, to know that all was well at home. Lorne and Tessa were now properly settled in at their respective boarding schools, and Nanny Pat was back from her week’s holiday in the Lake District, and was once again in command of the nursery and her young charges.
‘No problems, darling,’ Shane had said, sounding so close he might have been in the next room. ‘I’ll spend the weekend here with the kids, then push off to London on Sunday night. And listen, angel, I heard from Dad today. He phoned to tell me he and Mother are definitely coming for Christmas, and so young Laura will be with us too, and Merry and Elliot have also accepted. It looks as if we’re going to have quite a mob with us up here in Yorkshire…it’ll be like the old days when Blackie and Emma were alive. We’ll have a wonderful time.’
His news had delighted her, and they had chatted for another half hour about the Christmas plans, the children, and other family matters, and Shane had promised to ring her in a couple of days. She had felt much better when she had hung up. She missed him and the children enormously when she was travelling, was never completely at ease when she was separated from her family. She tried not to worry, but invariably she did, and she suspected she would never change. Her nature, after all, was her nature.
Paula glanced at her watch, saw that she had ten minutes to spare before going downstairs for drinks. Rising, smoothing down the skirt of her silk cocktail dress, she walked across to the writing desk where she began to sort through the papers strewn there. Among them were the Christmas lists she had started in Sydney earlier in the week. Shane’s family were marked down for major gifts, but not for stocking stuffers and tree presents. She must add their names, now that they were coming to Yorkshire, along with ideas for suitable little tokens, since she planned to do all of her Christmas shopping in Hong Kong when she met Emily there in ten days.
Paula’s thoughts focused on Shane’s parents as she leaned over the desk, rapidly making notes for herself. She was truly thrilled that Bryan and Geraldine were coming to England in December; they had been ambivalent about it for a number of weeks. Ever since Bryan’s heart attack five years ago they had been living in Barbados. Bryan kept an eye on the other O’Neill hotels in the Caribbean, but for the most part he took it easy these days, and was semi-retired at Shane’s insistence.
She missed them, and there had been a void in all their lives since the O’Neills had lived abroad. She missed Miranda, too. She and Shane’s sister had been close friends from childhood, and although they managed to see each other in New York, they were forever grumbling that they never had enough time together these days. As head of O’Neill Hotels International in the United States, Merry was a busy executive, and now that she was married to the noted American architect, Elliot James, she wanted to spend any free time she had with him at their homes in Manhattan and Connecticut. In consequence, Merry had not been to England much lately, and even her business trips were brief. ‘Hit and runs,’ Merry laughingly called them.
For once all the O’Neills would be under one roof at the same time, along with the Hartes. Sir Ronald and Michael Kallinski had already accepted to come for Christmas dinner, so the three clans would be represented for the first time in years. This thought made Paula smile with pleasure.
Clipping the sheaf of papers together, she slipped them into her briefcase for safe keeping. When she had another free moment, either later tonight or tomorrow morning, she would make a few more notes, allocate bedrooms at Pennistone Royal, do the menus for the holiday period, and start the guest lists for the parties she wanted to give. Christmas was three months away, but that was not really very long, not with the schedule she had, and all she had to accomplish. Planning ahead, being well organized, was the only way she knew how to cope with everything. That was how she had been brought up by her grandmother, and sometimes she wondered if this was indeed the secret of her success.
Paula believed herself to be the first one downstairs when she stood in the doorway of the living room a few minutes later. It was so hushed, so still.
But then Jason Rickards stepped into the room from the verandah, closed the French windows, locked them firmly, and swung around. His tanned, craggy face lit up when he saw her.
‘Hi there, sweet’art,’ he said, striding across the floor towards her.
Lean and rangy, Jason had the gait of a man who had spent years on a horse, a weatherbeaten complexion from being constantly outdoors, and dark hair silvered at the sides. He was in his early sixties, but looked younger. Tonight he wore a navy-blue cashmere jacket and dark-grey trousers, with a white shirt and a navy tie, and was as impeccable as he generally was, but to Paula he seemed to be uncomfortable when he was dressed up for the evening. It was as if more formal clothes constrained him, and she couldn’t help thinking that Jason would much prefer to be in blue jeans, riding boots and an open-necked shirt.
Coming to a standstill, he caught one of her hands in his, twirled her around. ‘My, you look pretty, Paula. Red suits you as much as it does your mother.’
‘Thank you, Jason.’ Paula smiled up into his face, tucked her arm through his, and walked with him to the fireplace. ‘Where is Mummy, anyway?’
‘Upstairs, finishing dressing. She’ll be down in a minute. Now, me darlin’, let’s have a drink together. What would you like?’
‘If that’s a bottle of champagne I spy over there in the silver bucket, then that’s what I’ll have, please.’
‘Good-o.’ He loped over to the console, where a tray of liquor, glasses, a bucket of ice, and the champagne stood, and proceeded to open the bottle of Louis Roederer Crystal.
Paula watched him, her eyes full of warmth. She thoroughly approved of Jason, had grown very fond of him, admired his down-to-earth attitude towards life. Her respect for him was immense, not only because of his brilliance as a businessman, but for his personal qualities as well. He was kind, thoughtful, caring. Like Philip, she was overjoyed that her mother had become his wife. Despite the disparities in their backgrounds, they got along beautifully and he was a devoted husband. A self-made man, Jason had married late for the first time, and had lost his wife from cancer after only seven years; he had then had a very brief, very disastrous second marriage. ‘Third time lucky,’ was his favourite expression these days, and he was most adoring of Daisy, as she was of him. Sometimes they reminded Paula of a couple of young lovers, and this pleased her.
Pouring champagne into a Baccarat crystal flute, then mixing a scotch and soda for himself, Jason remarked, ‘It’s damn windy out there tonight, Paula. I bet you there’s one helluva damn storm down in Sydney.’
‘I hope it doesn’t hit here,’ she said, accepting the glass from him when he brought it to her.
‘I doubt it will, and if it does, it’ll soon blow over. We always get a drop of rain in the spring, you know. And we’ll have a nice sunny day tomorrow, never fear.’ He clinked his glass to hers. ‘Cheers, darlin’.’
‘Cheers, Jason.’
They stood together in front of the fire, perfectly at ease, full of affection for each other.
Suddenly Jason eyed her speculatively. ‘There you go again, Paula, smilin’ quietly, and looking mighty damn pleased with yourself.’ He chuckled. ‘As your mother would say, you look like the cat that’s swallowed the canary.’
Paula could not help laughing. Jason had adopted many of her mother’s expressions, almost all of which had originated with her grandmother, but they did not sound quite the same without Emma’s pithy delivery.
She said, ‘I’m thrilled about the way Christmas is shaping up, Jason, that’s all. It’s going to be the biggest get-together we’ve had in years, now that Shane’s parents and sisters are coming.’
‘Your mother’s worried that – ’
‘What am I worried about?’ Daisy asked from the doorway, and floated into the living room on a cloud of Joy perfume and a swirl of purple silk.
‘Sweet’art, you look gorgeous!’ Jason exclaimed, his dark brown eyes glowing with love and admiration. He hurried to Daisy, took her arm, ushered her over to the fireplace. ‘What can I get for you, sweet’art? Champagne, or a vodka tonic?’
‘Champagne, please, Jason darling.’
‘Jason’s right, you do look fabulous tonight, Mummy,’ Paula said. ‘I’ve not seen you in purple for years. It’s a great colour for you, and simply marvellous with those exquisite opals. Are they new?’
‘Thank you, dear, and yes, they are. Jason gave them to me on Thursday night. They’re from his mine in Coober Pedy.’
‘Lightning Ridge,’ Jason corrected, grinning, bringing her the drink. ‘They’re very rare black opals, Paula.’
‘Thanks,’ Daisy said, taking the glass. She repeated, ‘And what am I worried about, Jason?’
‘Philip.’
Daisy frowned, sat down on the sofa, raised her flute. ‘Cheers.’
‘Cheers,’ Paula and Jason said in unison.
Daisy took a sip of the champagne, peered quizzically at her husband over the rim. ‘And why am I worried about him?’
‘Because he’s so reluctant to commit himself…about coming to England with us for Christmas,’ Jason explained. ‘Paula was just remarking how thrilled she is about the big family reunion and I was on the verge of telling her that her brother was undecided about his plans.’
‘Oh I think he’ll come now,’ Daisy murmured with a small, but knowing smile.
‘You do?’ Jason sounded surprised and he stared hard at Daisy. ‘What’s happened to make you change your mind, sweet’art? You were pretty damn adamant about it when I got back from Perth on Thursday night, and that’s only two days ago.’
‘At lunch today Paula invited Madelana to go to London for Harte’s sixtieth anniversary dinner and dance at the Ritz, and she also invited her to spend Christmas with us in Yorkshire. And Madelana accepted, didn’t she, Paula?’
‘Well, yes, she did, Mummy.’ Paula seemed slightly baffled, and she frowned. ‘But what’s that got to do with anything?’
Daisy sat back, beamed first at her daughter, and then at her husband, and said, ‘It has everything to do with Philip coming to England in December.’
Both Jason and Paula gaped at her, but neither of them said a word.
‘Haven’t you noticed how Philip looks at Madelana?’ Daisy asked softly. ‘When he thinks no one else is watching, of course. And haven’t you also noticed how he was behaving around her today…at the pool, during lunch, and at tea time? So very solicitous. And they were out riding all morning, you know, Paula. For about four hours or so.’
‘Oh Mummy, honestly, you’re such a romantic!’ Paula exclaimed. ‘He was merely being a good host. After all, you brought him up to be well mannered. He’s a gentleman.’ Paula laughed dismissively. ‘He’s only known her for one day! Not even that, for heaven’s sake!’
‘So what?’ Daisy said, and took another sip of champagne.
Paula frowned at her mother, then looked at Jason, raising a brow.
Jason let out an amused chortle. ‘I’d only known your mother for one hour when I realized I wanted to marry her, and I was hell bent on getting her, I don’t mind telling you, Paula. I think a man and a woman know immediately if they’ve clicked in a special way, know how they truly feel about each other. It’s kind of…well, it’s kind of an instinctive thing. And time, as such, doesn’t make a helluva lot of difference. You can know a person for years, yet never really know them, feel nothing for them. Or you can suddenly meet someone, and bang! That’s it!’ He glanced across at Daisy. ‘What’s that French expression, sweet’art?’
‘Coup de foudre… a clap of thunder, an unexpected blow…meaning love at first sight,’ Daisy replied. ‘And you’re absolutely right, Jason, I agree with everything you say.’ She smiled at him lovingly.
‘Madelana and Philip,’ Paula muttered. ‘Oh no!’ Her heart sank. She adored her brother, but the last thing she wanted was for him to become involved with Madelana. For Madelana’s sake. She did not want her to get hurt. Also, she had her own plans for her assistant in the future.
Paula said slowly, ‘He might be interested in her, Mother, but you know full well what he’s like with women. He thinks they’re a dime a dozen. Why, he’s told me that so many times, and you also know better than anyone that he breaks off with them the minute the relationship starts developing into something more meaningful than a romp in the hay.’ She shook her head. ‘I hate to say this about him, but Philip is actually only interested in one-night stands.’
‘Really, Paula, how can you make a statement like that! He went out with Veronica Marsden for almost three months,’ Daisy exclaimed vehemently, although she kept her voice low and muted.
Paula groaned wearily. ‘Yes, that is about the duration of his affairs, isn’t it? Three months. I sincerely hope he doesn’t get involved with Maddy, because he’ll only cause her heartache, and that I couldn’t bear. She’s had too much pain in her life already. Please don’t encourage him, Ma. Promise me.’
Daisy’s face dropped. ‘Yes, I suppose you’re right, as usual, Paula.’ She let out a heavy sigh. ‘Oh, dear, and I do like her so much. I was so happy today, when I saw how keen he seemed to be…’ Her voice tapered off lamely.
Paula insisted, ‘Mummy, please promise me you won’t encourage Philip. I’m very serious about this.’
Daisy nodded swiftly. ‘Oh, I do, dear, I do.’ She instantly noticed Paula’s stern, almost forbidding expression, and added, ‘I promise.’ Daisy recognized that her daughter was only reiterating what she herself had been thinking earlier in the week, and dismay lodged in the pit of her stomach. She could not bear to think that her son was destined to be a playboy for the rest of his life. What an empty and shallow existence that would be for him.
Jason said, ‘I think we’d better get off this subject mighty damn sharpish. I’m sure they’ll both be down any minute.’
‘Of course, Jason,’ Daisy was quick to agree. ‘And it really isn’t very nice, talking about them in this way, is it?’
‘No,’ Paula muttered, still feeling disturbed, and wondering why she hadn’t noticed Philip’s behaviour around Madelana, the attention he had supposedly paid to her. Renowned in the family for being eagle-eyed, for never missing a trick, she suddenly asked herself if she was slipping.
Jason strolled over to the console, refilled his glass, and remarked, ‘By the way, Paula, when are you planning to go to Hong Kong?’
‘Not for about ten days or so. It really depends on what I find in Melbourne and Adelaide. Madelana and I are flying down there on Wednesday, once we’ve got the Sydney boutique organized for the sale. But why do you ask, Jason?’
‘One of my executives, Don Metcalfe, has to go over to the crown colony around that time. It occurred to me that you might like a lift on the corporate jet.’
‘Gosh, Jason, that would be wonderful,’ Paula exclaimed, smiling at him. ‘If our dates coincide, of course.’
‘Don can leave any time around the twenty-first, the twenty-second or even the twenty-third of September, whichever suits you, darlin’.’
‘Thanks so much, I’ll let you know.’
‘You never did say why you’re going to Hong Kong, dear,’ Daisy murmured, giving Paula a questioning look.
‘To meet Emily, Mummy. She’s there now, on one of her buying trips for General Retail Trading, and we thought it would be fun to have a few days together, relaxing, doing our Christmas shopping. Then we’ll continue on to New York, spend a day or two there, return to London on the Concorde.’
Daisy smiled somewhat ruefully. ‘I don’t know, Paula, here you are, the head of one of the greatest department stores in the world, and you have to do your shopping in Hong Kong.’ She shook her head, looking a trifle perplexed. ‘It doesn’t make sense to me.’
Paula grinned at her mother. ‘It’s much more fun shopping in foreign places – ’ She cut her sentence off when Madelana appeared in the doorway. ‘There you are, Maddy! I was thinking of sending out a search party,’ Paula teased, her expression affectionate.
In view of the previous discussion, three pairs of alert and curious eyes automatically fastened on Madelana as she glided across the floor with her usual gracefulness, her stylish, elegant and beautifully-cut dress moving with fluidity around her long legs.
‘Forgive me for being so late,’ Madelana apologized. ‘I decided to have a rest earlier, and promptly fell asleep. It must be all the fresh air I’ve had today…and the riding. I haven’t been on a horse in a coon’s age.’
‘Then you’ll feel it tomorrow,’ Jason warned. ‘You’ll have damn sore muscles. Take a very hot bath filled with Epsom salts tonight, that’ll help a bit. I know Mrs Carr has plenty of salts in the kitchen. We’ll get a box or two for you before you go to bed. Now, what can I get you to drink? A glass of champagne?’
‘Thanks, Jason, but I’d prefer a mineral water for the moment,’ Madelana murmured, and joined Paula in front of the fireplace.
Paula eyed Madelana’s cocktail dress. It was a superb piece of clothing, made of cut velvet on silk chiffon, and was a light grey colour that emphasized the silvery lights in her eyes. Paula said, ‘That dress is perfection on you, Maddy. It’s a Trigère, isn’t it?’
‘Yes, it is, and thank you very much.’ Madelana smiled at her boss. ‘You’re pretty elegant yourself…that’s a Christina Crowther.’
‘Yes, but an old one which I left here a couple of years ago. Still, it’s not a bit dated is it? Like Pauline Trigère’s clothes, Christina’s have a wonderful timelessness.’
Daisy was smiling approvingly at Madelana. ‘Paula just took the words right out of my mouth, Maddy, you do look particularly lovely tonight.’ Patting the sofa, she added, ‘Come, sit next to me, dear.’
Madelana did so, and the two of them immediately fell into a conversation about clothes, and the merits of various fashion designers in New York, Paris and London.
Paula continued to hover in front of the fire, only half listening to Daisy and Maddy. She had the distinct feeling that her mother would encourage Philip in his pursuit of Madelana, if indeed he was interested, despite Daisy’s promise to her to the contrary. Her mother was desperate for him to get married, and it was patently obvious she thought Madelana was the perfect candidate for daughter-in-law.
Jason brought Madelana a Perrier water, carrying the champagne bottle in his other hand. He topped up Paula’s glass, then Daisy’s, and as he walked back to the console, he said over his shoulder, ‘Philip’s late coming down, Paula. I hope everything’s all right on the station. That wind is damn strong, more like a gale, if you ask me.’
Paula said, ‘I’m sure there’s nothing wrong, Jason. Oh, here he comes now.’
Philip sauntered into the living room a split second later, looking nonchalant, without a care. He apologized for being late, adding, ‘Tim Willen kept me on the phone longer than I expected.’
‘Any problems with the weather?’ Jason asked.
‘None at all,’ Philip assured him. ‘And how about fixing your old cobber a scotch on the rocks, since you’re standing right next to the bottle, Jason?’
To Be The Best To Be The Best - Barbara Taylor Bradford To Be The Best